What Do You Cling To?

While I hate to say it because I KNOW the truth, I still cling to my feelings, which keeps me from clinging to the Lord. Everything I shared in my Taking the Truth to Heart each week during the Falling in Love Again with Your Lord study all boiled down to the fact that I’m not believing who God says He is. I keep thinking about the TRUTH that God is in complete control and He also loves me. But then when I feel as if I have lost control, I will do just about anything in my power to keep the control I think I have. Like when I feel overwhelmed because I realize that I need to rush if I want to get everything around my house in order or everything on my to-do list crossed off for the day. I will get a headache. I will think of no one but myself and what I think needs to get done. This kind of thing can lead to maybe my husband asking me to do something and me just acting so frustrated with him because it didn’t fit into my plan for the day. I only think about what I think is right, better yet, what I feel is right. This causes me to not serve my family like I desire to do and should do. It also leaves no room for me to pay attention to anyone else and what they may be going through.

The selfishness that the Lord has allowed me to see lately has truly overwhelmed and saddened me. And again, because I feel like my life should go a certain way, or (another way to say that is) because I don’t believe God is who He says He is, I just completely push others to the wayside. I said to a friend the other day that I can taste the freedom that would result from actually believing God’s truth, the relief that would really come if I just took hold of God’s truth with everything I have. I want that, I really do. And I’m thankful for that desire. But actually acting it out is something entirely different. And it’s so frustrating to me because I know what to do and I don’t do it. And then I again, I hear the focus on myself as I even type that sentence. I want to cling to Him with everything, I want Him to be everything because the truth is that He is everything. I know that producing this dependence on Him in my heart is a work that only God can do.

I keep wanting my life to be my form of perfect, when the only true perfection is found in Jesus alone. I also am tempted to believe the lie that now that I have confessed my self-centeredness, I can fix it myself. If I just discipline myself more, I think I can fix myself so that I won’t be that self absorbed woman anymore. But I really really desire to be okay with being broken and not fixed so that Jesus alone can fix me. Because the truth is, that is the only way. The old me is a self-absorbed, must have it a certain way king of woman who follows feelings and her own form of perfection. But I really, really desire to actually cling to my new identity that is in Jesus. In this new identity, He gives me grace to follow His way alone. His way will be done no matter what anyway. And I know that His way is good, even if it doesn’t feel good to not have my way right now.

“For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations” (Isa. 61:11).

Will you please pray for me? I really want to believe the truth of God’s Word alone and want His glory more than my own. I’m praying for you as well, dear reader, that you will cling to God alone, and that God will reveal to you other things you may be clinging to that aren’t Him. What are you clinging to?

Planted for His Glory

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Faith Like Abraham

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This morning in my Falling in Love Again with Your Lord study we were prompted to read the story of Abraham. The Scriptures took us through Abram becoming Abraham and how he time and time again heard from the Lord. Even though most of what God said seemed a total impossibility, Abraham continued to believe what the Lord told him. Romans 4:20-21 says of Abraham, “No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.” As I read the story I was once again astonished by his unwavering faith and convicted of my own feeble faith. I’m truly amazed at the love that Abraham had for God.

A few things really blew me away. First, when the story began and God told Abram to go to a different land, Abram was 75 years old. God told him then He would make him a father. Later, when Abraham was 99 years old he was still without a son to be his heir except for one that he had conceived in his own way and timing—not the one the Lord had promised. Then Abraham didn’t have Isaac, the son God had promised, until he was 100 years old. While the fact that he was 100 years old and having a baby is amazing in and of itself, what stood out to me even more this time as I read the story was the fact that the promises began when he was 75. Twenty-five years had gone by with God promising him things but Abraham not seeing the fulfillment of these promises. Yet still he didn’t waver in his faith. All I can say is…wow.

A second thing that stood out to me more this time as I read Abraham’s story is when he went to sacrifice Isaac as the Lord had told him. What God was asking of Abraham almost seemed to completely contradict God’s initial promises to him. How confusing would that have been? God told Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and that he would have an heir that would be his own son. He even told him when Sarah was gong to conceive and then once that promise was fulfilled he tells Abraham to sacrifice that fulfilled promise! It doesn’t seem as if Abraham even questioned this. Yet again, no unbelief made him waver—amazing! (Hebrews 11:17-19 describes the amazing reasoning of the faith of Abraham and how he reconciled this apparent contradiction in his mind.)

I say I trust God, but really when it comes down to it, I trust Him when I want to, or when it’s easy, or when it makes sense. Nothing about what God promised or asked Abraham made sense. I even thought to myself as I was reading the story this morning that for Abraham it must have been somewhat easier for him to trust because God was telling him what would happen if he did. God was telling him, “Go to this land and you will be blessed,” or do this and essentially this good thing will happen. I thought to myself that I would be more inclined to believe God if I was told directly and knew that something good would come from it. The Lord pointed out to me the irony in those thoughts. He does in fact tell me the good that will come from my belief. It may not be now in this world like I would like it to be, but good will come—I am promised heaven, an eternal inheritance that waits for me because of Jesus! You’d think that it would be easier to believe and follow God’s ways because of that, but man my flesh is weak and my unbelief is strong. And the Lord is revealing that to me more all the time. I want to have belief like Abraham; I don’t want to waver.

Let me be really honest with you though. Even now my flesh is acting up because I want to have this faith to look good, to be a “good Christian,” instead of having this faith because God is who He says He is. My motives are totally wrong. I am so weak, but I’m seeing more and more lately that that is the place where God can show His strength in me. Second Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Our study ended the day with explaining that we have been given promises that we don’t have to waver on believing either. Promises like Romans 8:1: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Even though my motives are wrong because they are prideful and self-righteous, wanting my glory instead of the Lord’s, by God’s grace I can believe His promise that Jesus has covered those sins and I am not condemned. My hope is in Jesus Christ alone. In my weakness He is strong. I am so weak, but He is so strong. Strong for me. May we all remember that promise as we go throughout our days, moment by moment. Lord, give us faith like Abraham, for your glory alone!

Planted for His Glory

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From Hiding Away to Singing for Joy

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“…for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy” (Psa. 63:7).

When I am hurting, I find I want to hide. I want to retreat. I think many people are like this. Maybe that’s why we self-medicate. We can “hide” in drugs, alcohol, food, TV, shopping, being on the computer or phone. Even “good” activities like reading or exercise or can become harmful if we use them as a form of perpetual distraction.

Our great God knows we want to hide. What was one of the first things Adam did after he ate of the fruit and sinned? He hid. “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden” (Gen. 3:8).

Hiding is on my mind this week as I thought about Thanksgiving. Due to health issues, we had a very low-key Thanksgiving. No extended family. We ordered our food from a local restaurant, so all we had to do was heat up our dinner. We ate in clothes that resembled pajamas! It was very easy. During our meal, I commented on how nice it was to have had such a stress-free meal. My daughter asked why the holidays are so stressful for people. What a hard question! I told her that not all families find the holidays stressful, but for some families, getting together is hard. People who don’t see each other for long periods of time are suddenly thrust together, and that is not always easy or fun. Old wounds re-surface.  People squabble over the menu choices or criticize the holiday meal. And that’s not taking into consideration Christmas and the issues that go along with gift-giving and receiving, decorating, etc!

What I find interesting is how, when with family, people often revert to the roles they assumed while living under the same roof. There is the peacemaker, the outcast, the “stuffer” (the one who looks pleasant but stuffs away his or her real emotions), the cynic, the alpha personality, the academic…the list is endless. Sometimes these are not the roles we want to “play” anymore, and gatherings can be tense and unpleasant, even hurtful. And then we try to hide. At least I know I do.

We are coming to the end of our study, Falling in Love Again with Your Lord. Our verse this week talks about the shadow of God’s wings being a place in which we sing for joy. I have always thought of the shadow of God’s wings being akin to a refuge, like an eagle that would stretch out his wings and shelter me from the elements that could rain down upon my head.

But now as I learn more of God’s lovingkindness, I envision being a chick, and God, like a mother hen, wraps His wings about me to shelter me and keep me safe. To hold me close. To give me warmth. I envision being able to climb up onto my heavenly Father’s lap and have him surround me with His soft wings…giving me a place to curl up and hide away. “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge” (Psa. 91:4 NIV).

David goes onto say, however, that in the shadow of God’s wings, he will sing for joy! David knows that God is his help, his shield, his strength, his portion, his Deliverer, his shelter, his strong tower, his salvation. He sings for joy, and so should we! Praise God for the song He puts in our mouths (Psa. 40:3)!

So, how do we go from wanting to hide away to singing for joy? That sounds impossible. That’s because it is – on our own. It is only through God’s strength that we can heal in such a dramatic way. We rely on God by fixing our eyes upon Him, and walking, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, praying to Him, crying out to Him, and asking Him to direct our steps. We become acquainted with the person of God by reading His Word and spending time with Him. We heal and grow by waiting on the Lord to do the work He has promised He will do – and trusting Him to do it.

Father God, help me in this holiday season and always when I am hurting or feel the need to retreat, to come to you and find shelter in your wings. Help me to remember Who my real Shelter is. Help me to remember that the distractions this world offers are temporary and that they cannot ever remove or heal the pain or hurt I may be experiencing. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you and not on my circumstances. Thank you, Lord, for your loving provision for your children. You know we want to hide away when life is hard and we are hurting. Thank you for providing the perfect refuge in the shadow of your wings. “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings” (Psa. 17:8).

Growing in Grace

 

 

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