Finding Your Home

“I just hate the newborn stage. I hate how unsettled I feel as I’m trying to figure out our new routines.” I confessed this to my sister-in-law not too long ago as I was processing through the hard that comes when you are given the gift of a baby.

Last week my husband lost his best friend and mentor unexpectedly to a pulmonary embolism. My husband had just had lunch with him the day prior to his death where his friend actually said to him, while not going through any major trial, that sometimes he’s just really tired of this world and how he couldn’t wait for the day when he would be united with Jesus in eternity. That really struck a chord with my husband, so much so that he shared that story with me even before his friend’s passing. Then of course, we thought and talked much more about it after his friend was gone from this earth.

My husband’s friend was not settled here on earth, he was settled in Jesus, where his identity really was, with Christ. As we thought about his life and his heavenly perspective I thought about the statement I had made to my sister-in-law just a few weeks prior and the Lord brought the question to mind—are you too settled here?

I sadly had to answer that question with a yes. I’m settled here in this world. I’m settled and secure, at peace and rest when my schedule goes according to my plan. When things are easy. When they’re comfortable. Laurie asked in last week’s lecture as we’re embarking on our study for this semester, Jesus I Need You, who is Jesus to you? And do you live out who you say you believe Jesus is to you? When things are hard, uncomfortable, messy, sad, is Jesus my all, my everything, like I say with my mouth that He is? Unfortunately not. Instead of the reality of my identity being in Christ coming through in those moments, what you would see instead is my flesh response of self-pity, pride, anger, unrest, anxiety, impatience and an all-out fight quite honestly to get my way to happen.

Once my to-dos get crossed, once the babies are napping, once the babies are healthy, once the Bible reading and Bible study homework is caught up on, etc. etc. then you’ll see me at rest, you’ll see me take a breath. What happened to me being able to be settled in Jesus?

To my husband’s friend, Jesus was more real to him than anything here on earth. He believed the reality of the truth, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20). In this week’s homework of Jesus I Need You I read the scripture, “For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength’” (Isaiah 30:15). My study Bible pointed out that the root form of the word for quiet, at ease and secure are the same. While it may not be the same root word, I think you could add settlement to that list of synonyms. In returning to the Lord, repentance, and resting, finding your soul settled in Him is where our real strength lies.

I recently finished a book entitled Missional Motherhood. The author, Gloria Furman, mentioned that it’s normal practice for us to look at life in seasons—seasons of mothering littles, seasons of infertility, seasons of hard, easy, you name it. She challenged readers, however, to think differently, that we’re not really in seasons, we’re in one, the season of life this side of heaven because everything is for God’s glory regardless of where we find ourselves in this particular moment. I keep looking at certain things that are hard and trying to get through them, to be settled in the easy and comfortable, idolizing that dream, instead of remembering that my settlement is to be found in the one who never changes, Jesus Christ, who is my Good Shepherd and because of Him I have no lack; who leads me in paths of righteousness for His names sake, for His glory (Psalm 23).

What does all this tell me? I need Jesus. I actually need Jesus; not to make things easy, not to make me comfortable, but I need Him and Him alone. Thank the Lord I see a tiny glimpse of my deep need. I want to be settled in Him alone, not a nap schedule working out for the day. Praise God for His grace in my desire, but I need His grace to live it too, to believe the reality that there’s someone so much more and better than all things here on this earth.

I’m too settled here. I’m too settled in my ways and routines, my relationships and I seek them more than I seek my relationship with the Lord, but contrary to what I may feel and what may appear to be the most real, by God’s grace, this is not my home; I’m just passing through and I’m praying for grace to believe that reality more than what’s right in front of me. To look towards my real home and find settlement in Him alone. To rejoice in Him alone.

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness…” (Isaiah 61:10a).

What about you? Where are you settled?

Planted for His Glory