Lesson four of Falling In Love Again With Your Husband was about how, as wives, we are to be fragrant aromas to our husbands. “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:2).

People desire to be around sweet smelling aromas and our study prompted participants to think through what that looks like on a daily basis, for the Lord and for their husbands.

In day one of that week, participants read, “Putting on his favorite perfume is easy; I enjoy doing it, I enjoy it myself, and I look forward to it. It really is no sacrifice to me at all. Now, my husband’s request that I run an errand to Home Depot and Lowe’s on Monday, my heaviest chore day, when the temperatures are peaking at 4 degrees, is not such a pleasing and lovely task for me. In fact, even as I ponder this task, I am tempted to dread it, but I must not. I must consider the Lord and His love for me, consider my husband and my love for him and look at it with a selfless attitude, rather than a selfish attitude. I want to look at it as an opportunity to bless my husband and as an opportunity to be a pleasing and fragrant aroma to the Lord. It is the deed which requires a sacrifice on my part that is the sweetest of all.”

How can you be a fragrant aroma to your husband?

Sometimes we can be tempted to think we must do elaborate tasks, however, take a look at the simple, but sweet smelling tasks that our participants have committed to doing when asked the same question.

“Dress nicer,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Pay attention to the little things that he struggles with doing and do them for him,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Getting up with him, cooking breakfast, putting makeup and perfume on much more,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Praying for him every morning,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Focusing on positive things about him, especially when I feel anger towards him. Meal planning, house straightened up when he comes home,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Initiate intimacy,” current Thistlebend participant.

“I am going to be more intentional to take care of my body,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Initiate sex more often,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Praying for him. Going to bed with him. New PJs,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Praying scripture over him,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Cook and plan more dinners, more sex,” current Thistlebend participant.

As you can see, many of these are similar and many are different. What’s important is that these ladies know what would be fragrant aromas to their husbands and by God’s grace are committing to try them out, for the Lord and for their husband.

Are there any of these ideas that you could do for your own husband to be a fragrant aroma?


Recently, I came down with some sort of virus. I was sick an entire weekend. Thankfully, by Monday, I was feeling better. I knew there would be chores to catch up on. I decided to start with the laundry. I opened the laundry chute and soon, there was an avalanche of clothes in the laundry room. I think I did nine loads of laundry in one day! The house badly needed to be cleaned and we had zero groceries. I stood in my kitchen, thinking, “Do I really have to do everything?” I was frustrated and irritated. After all, I had been the one who had been sick!

At that moment, I had a choice to make. I could continue down the WIM (“Woe is Me”) path, which would happily feed my sinful flesh OR I could choose to take my eyes off myself and fix them on the Lord. Both “paths” would have resulted in getting the housework done. But my motives would have been very different. The WIM path would have included the WIM soundtrack, full of negative, disappointing thoughts. In the second scenario, however, I would have thanked God that I was able to rest and sleep throughout the weekend—exactly what I needed to recover—and been thankful for my husband’s sacrificial care.

This is just one example of the countless times each day we have a choice: we can allow our flesh, our sinful nature, to guide our actions OR we can fix our eyes on the Lord and choose to be a fragrant aroma to our husbands and others. And no, I don’t mean the kind of aroma we associate with lotions or perfumes. I mean the kind of aroma that Paul writes about in Ephesians. “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God” (Eph 5:2 NLT).  Paul exhorts us in another passage, But thanks be to God! For through what Christ has done, he has triumphed over us so that now wherever we go he uses us to tell others about the Lord and to spread the Gospel like a sweet perfume. As far as God is concerned there is a sweet, wholesome fragrance in our lives. It is the fragrance of Christ within us, an aroma to both the saved and the unsaved all around us” (2 Cor 2:14-15 TLB).

It’s really a lovely image to consider ourselves as fragrant aromas to others. What do we do when we smell something fragrant and soothing? I know that I seek out the source of the fragrance. I love the smell of honeysuckle in the spring; when it blooms I love finding the bush and enjoying its sweet fragrance. Likewise, I know from my family’s reaction how aromatic food grabs their attention. They can be in four corners of the house, but when they smell something that stirs their appetite, they make a trip to the kitchen to find out what I am cooking. Sweet, wholesome fragrances and aromas are soothing to our senses and draw people together.

So…how can I be a fragrant aroma to my husband? God’s Word tells us. First, I must offer myself as a living sacrifice to the Lord (Romans 12:1). This means that I give up what I want, my desires (i.e. my desire to be served) and place others’ needs before my own. That is a very big hurdle to overcome, it does not happen overnight. It happens by continually renewing our minds according to the truth of God’s Word (Romans 12:2). It means that every day, moment by moment, we die to what our “self” desires and ask God to give us hearts for what HE desires. Change occurs through God’s Word. The more time I spend in God’s Word, the more my mind is transformed. The more knowledge I gain of my Savior, the more I will spread the sweet fragrance of Christ. My husband will notice this fragrance more than Calvin Klein’s Euphoria!

I have not always been a pleasant aroma to my husband. Sometimes, I would imagine I have reminded him more of burnt meatloaf than Christ! But God does not give up on us, and I am so grateful to say that He is gently revealing what I need to see. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Phil 1:6 NLT).

Growing in Grace

We are so encouraged by what the Lord is teaching current study participants as they continue on in the Falling in Love Again With Your Husband study!

When asked, half way through, “What is the Lord showing you through this study?” these are some of the answers we received revealing how God is working.

“The beauty of Christ submitting in everything. It’s become more beautiful over the past few weeks and I desire to follow the Lord more in my marriage,” current Thistlebend participant.

“How much I want to be in control. How much I struggle with putting my flesh to death. He is also showing me that I am a helper to my husband and it’s a beautiful thing,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Teaching me what my role is as a wife and how to glorify Him through it,” current Thistlebend participant.

“The Lord is showing me ways to love and honor my husband and helping me see my husband’s good side in a better light,” current Thistlebend participant.

“That submission is beautiful to the Lord! He is giving me guidance and, through prayer, the strength to submit,” current Thistlebend participant.

“How great my sin (especially pride) is and His intention for marriage,” current Thistlebend participant.

“Revealing fears I have of the Lord and revealing how much I need the Word of God, moment by moment, thought by thought,” current Thistlebend participant.

“That I need to put my flesh to death,” current Thistlebend participant.

God is moving as we go through this study and we are so thankful! Many women mentioned their new given perspective of submission. How do you view submission?