Your Best Friend

I recently had coffee with a very dear friend.  I’m in a season of weariness, both physically and emotionally, so I haven’t been looking forward to many things,   but I did look forward to spending time with this particular friend because I knew that I would truly enjoy our visit.  I knew that I could be myself and that our time together would be soul-nurturing.  I am grateful to the Lord for the friendships He has blessed me with, but especially the ones where I can “dive deep” easily and quickly, and feel connected in a special way.

It wasn’t long after that visit that I read a prayer from an early church father.  This is the final portion of that prayer:

Give me a heart to love and adore you,
a heart to delight in you,
to follow and enjoy you,
for Christ’s sake, Amen.

The image in my mind’s eye was a loving and nurturing friendship, much like the friendship I described above.

I confess that I do not have that kind of relationship with God, not at the present time.  Our relationship is on my terms.  I talk with God, but only when I want to.  I read the Bible, but I don’t take the time to reflect on what I have read and how it spoke to my heart.  I don’t spend time praying intentionally.  I take God for granted.

Most human relationships would not withstand that kind of neglect.  Most people would give up on a “friend” who talked with them intermittently, didn’t show true interest in their lives, and didn’t take time to listen.

But God is God and we are not.  Despite my actions (or lack thereof), God still delights in me.  In ME.  Why?  I am so unworthy.  Praise God that His love for me is not dependent on anything I do or don’t do.  God loves me and desires to have a relationship with me, and there is nothing I can do or say that will change that.  Because Christ died for my sins, because I believe by His grace, God sees Christ’s purity and perfection instead of the filth of my sin and my blemishes.  Thank you, Lord!

I love this passage from Zephaniah that illustrates how God delights in His children:

 “He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs” (Zeph 3:17).

I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a friendship a really special friendship.  I believe there are 3 investments that are required—time, trust and attention. Friends must spend time together to truly get to know one another. Friends must be able to completely trust each other; both parties must be able to vulnerably share who they are as well as the struggles they face. Friends must be willing to give each other the attention the other requires, particularly in the form of active listening.

I’m thankful that my eyes have been opened to see that in this season I’m in, my relationship with the Lord could go deeper in friendship. So what would it look like if I did those three things with the Lord? By His grace I want to seek a more intimate friendship with Him. I can spend time with Him everyday, unhurried time. Scheduled time. I can be willing to open my heart completely and totally to Him.  He knows me through and through.  Why do I feel like I need to “be” a certain way with the Lord? I want an authentic relationship with Him, where I feel no guilt or shame. Christ has freed me from those bonds! And I must be willing to read God’s word, to let God’s Word have a voice in my head and heart.  I then must talk with God through prayer, intentional prayer, and reflect on what I learn from Him.

I truly want this to be my prayer:

Give me a heart to love and adore you,
a heart to delight in you,
to follow and enjoy you,
for Christ’s sake, Amen.

Growing in Grace

 

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Why ‘Doing it All’ Isn’t Enough

I left my small group church training so encouraged and so very excited to begin this semester, but right along with the excitement came a creeping lie of feeling the weight of the responsibility that comes with leading a small group in our church—the call to disciple and love our group members well. As I kept allowing the thoughts to weigh heavier I began to remember all the other commitments that currently fill my calendar. All of my commitments are great things—being a wife, momma, managing my home, women’s ministry, writing for this blog, small group leader, etc. All amazing gifts from the Lord to be a part of! Unfortunately the prominent emotions that clouded my mind were ones of being overwhelmed and stressed. I want to do all things well. More than doing them well I want others to think I am doing well. I want their approval. And on top of that, I want to complete all my tasks in my timeline, but fortunately in God’s faithfulness, I could not even prepare adequately for these commitments. The lie that it was “all was up to me” became my mindset. Have you ever been here? Overwhelmed by the seasons of life so much so that you forget who is really in control and what the purpose of all things really is? It’s so easy. I went to the Lord crying out to Him about the heaviness I felt and He gently opened my eyes and shifted my focus to truth. “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young,” (Isaiah 40:11). My focus had increasingly shifted from Him to myself and He was bringing me back.

I told Him I didn’t feel like I could do all things, or even any thing well. I questioned if I had followed Him correctly in committing to everything. I told Him I was feeling unsettled and jumbled in my thinking. But He sweetly reminded me that I am not enough, nor will I ever be, that Jesus is the only one who will ever supply all we need. He reminded me that my eyes need to be on Him in order to point others to Him. My small group does not need a perfect leader nor do you need me to be a perfect writer. The Lord can use all of us just where and who we are, “I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure,” (Psalm 16:8-9).

My to-do lists and responsibilities do not need to be before my eyes, but my Savior does. I can set the Lord always before me, the one who is in control of all things and has all in His hands (Psalm 95). Even knowing this truth, it is becoming clearer just how much the culture can have a pull on us. The world would tell me that if I just work hard enough, “whatever I set my mind to,” I can accomplish. Hard work pays off right? And yes, while there is truth in those statements, what’s left out is complete trust in the One who is the creator and sustainer of this universe. I absolutely want to work hard, love well, serve all I can, but the outcomes are not on me. Everything is out of my control. I could do everything “perfectly”—disciple with the “just right” truth that each group member needed to hear, keep my house perfectly in order, never discipline in anger (let’s be honest, I don’t know if I will ever do that perfectly, yikes), whatever it may be, but I am not in control over other’s responses. The Lord is the one who softens hearts, provides change and stimulates growth. “So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth,” (1 Corinthians 3:7). What a weight is lifted by our sweet and loving Father! Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by your many responsibilities in your daily life? I say that I believe God is in control, but when my mood shifts if something comes out of “my control” then I think I’m saying I believe something other than truth. God’s word can apply right in the heart of your overwhelming feelings! I’m not saying that I’m not going to work hard for what the Lord is calling me to, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ,” (Colossians 3:23-24). I am saying, however, that I’m asking for the grace to truly believe the truth of who God is in this busy season, to trust that His ways are better than mine. To believe that He loves me and loves those I am serving and will do what’s needed to show us Himself.

In God’s sweet providence, just today, as I had time away to write this, when I wanted to get it done yesterday, a young woman that is under my care found herself in the same place as me and we were given 20 minutes to chat about life—the beginnings of a sweet discipleship relationship and friendship. This would not have happened had God allowed what I wanted yesterday. He is so faithful. “… ‘It is finished,’….” (John 19:30). He has done it all!

Planted for His Glory

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It’s a Sacrificial Love

This past weekend my husband and I were at a wedding. It was gorgeous—the perfectly arranged flowers, the gold chairs, the gorgeous table arrangements, and of course, the breath-taking bride.

The church doors opened, the music played, the crowd stood, and the bride radiantly walked down the aisle.

Anytime I am at a wedding I love to watch the groom during this moment. In this instance, as I looked at him I couldn’t help but get tears in my eyes. He had a soft smile on his face, tears streaming down his cheek, and it was as if no one else was in the room besides him and his soon to be wife.

It was in this moment that I was reminded that I am the Lord’s bride. He looks at me and sees a white dress, perfect hair, and great shoes. He doesn’t see my sin, shame, guilt, my sweatpants and spit up stained t-shirt. He looks at me and sees a beautiful bride and loves me so deeply.

God loves us in the same way He loves Jesus—it’s a sacrificial love. There is no greater love. It isn’t based on what I do or don’t do. I know this truth, but I so often believe the lie instead.

Just last week I was having one of those days where nothing seemed to be going right. I overslept, was rushing around, was frustrated with my husband which led to me blowing up on him, and the list went on. I felt so guilty for the way I treated my husband and I felt like I couldn’t go to the Lord in that moment. In my mind I believed that my shortcomings meant the Lord was going to love me less. Would He even care about my prayer I thought to myself?

“Come now, let us reason together says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool“ (Isaiah 1:18).

How sweet is that? He sees our messy, ugly, selfish sins and in spite of it all He still loves us in that moment because after all, that is why He sacrificed His only son.

Do you see the Lord’s love this way? Do you truly believe the Father’s love for you isn’t dependent on what you do?

Standing on the Word

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