THBBloomBlogGerber

Before Jesus saved us it is a biblical truth that we were following the course of the world and the prince of the power of the air (Eph. 2:2). Psalm 1 shows us this truth as well. We walked according to the counsel of the wicked, which then caused us to stand in the way of sinners and finally to sit in the seat of scoffers. The enemy was our shepherd, our master.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved” (Eph. 2:4-5). Jesus is now our Good Shepherd. We were lost, and our loving Shepherd went looking for us and found us. He rescued us from danger and brought us into His flock. “The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11).

We were lost and now we are found; blind and now we see; deaf and now we hear; dead and now we live in Christ. What will our RESPONSE be to the amazing gift of our salvation?

We are to listen to our Shepherd’s voice in His Word and follow Him humbly by grace through faith. But how do we do this?

There is one point the Lord continues to bring to my mind from our last study, Fearless. It’s from the story in Genesis 45. Joseph’s brothers had sold him into slavery. There was a famine in the land, and they had to go to Egypt to get food, and Pharaoh had put Joseph in charge, but the brothers didn’t recognize him. When he revealed himself to them it says, “But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed at his presence” (Gen. 45:3b). I looked up the word “dismayed” and found that the English definition means “agitation of mind; to break down the courage of completely, as by sudden danger or trouble; dishearten thoroughly.” They were terrified, I am sure, because Joseph knew they had tried to kill him, and they knew they were guilty and deserving of punishment.

But the next verse is so beautiful, pointing us forward to the mercy and grace that was to come through Jesus! “So Joseph said to his brothers, ‘Come near to me, please'” (Gen. 45:4). “Come near…” These are the words I continue to hear.

I have lived my whole life in fear. Fear of everything. Fear of man, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of pain, fear of being out of control, fear of intimacy, etc. Because of this fear I can see how I have built walls of self-protection around my heart. In my mind’s eye I have this picture of a tortoise (because I’m slow) always retreating and withdrawing into my protective shell. And my Shepherd continues to call me to “come near.” To come out of the darkness and into the light of His love.

Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. (Song of Sol. 2:10-11)

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt. 11:28-30)

I dearly loved the image of the frightened child who calls out to her parent in the night when the thunderstorm comes. Visuals are so helpful for us to be able to see and grasp onto truths that we otherwise lose hold of, especially in the heat of battle! And what happens when the parent comes to the child’s room and gathers the child in their arms, bringing them close to their heart, drawing them near? The child is comforted, and as Laurie said, becomes, “completely calm.” Why? Because the child trusts her parent and believes her parent loves her.

I confess to you that I am not “completely calm.” I confess to you that I am not even sort of calm. The Lord has been showing me these past few months (maybe even the past year) that I live in fear. I walk around anxious and worried. I live “dismayed” with “agitation of mind.” Our Shepherd doesn’t want us to live this way. He wants me to come near, to trust Him, to rest in His arms and be completely calm.

Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Josh. 1:9)

Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid. (Matt. 14:27)

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. (Psa. 139:5)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psa. 23:4)

If our response is to come near and to follow, how do we do that? Jesus is the Living Word. We draw near when we spend time with Him in His Word. His Word is the green pasture. We feed on it and shelter in it. His Word is the still water. We find our refreshment there and wash ourselves in the water of His Word.

As children, we purposefully sit at the feet of our Father. Instead of walking and standing first, which is what we used to do, we first take time in the mornings to sit. Sit in His Word. Be intentional. Take in the truth. Receive it, feast upon it, meditate on it, choose to believe it by faith, and take it to our hearts and apply it. Then, we can stand in His strength. Then we can walk in His strength by His grace. Not alone, but with the Spirit and in the Spirit. Our Shepherd never leaves us. He is with us by His Spirit. Praise God! We are never alone!

Ultimately, I am so thankful that all the Lord commands us to do, He provides and undertakes for us. He tells me to come near and yet He is the One who brings me near. “Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts!” (Psa. 65:4a).

And what will one day be the result as we continue by grace through faith following our Shepherd? “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isa. 26:3).

The Lord is our Shepherd. We shall not be in want but instead be completely calm.

Learning to Live in the Garden of Grace

THBBloomBlogRose

Lately with all that has been going on in the news and in our communities I have been finding myself in fear. Not like the fear of what others think, or the kind of fear that comes from disappointing someone you love. I am speaking of fear for my future. This fear feels like it had such a grip on me the last few weeks. The In the Garden study could not have come at a better time.

This week I have felt the grip of fear at just the thought of even running an errand in my day. With all the turmoil we are watching unfold, I start to feel anxiety about simply walking out my front door. I have been thinking about things that could go horribly wrong. I say, “What if I make someone so mad on the road that they retaliate?” or, “What if someone on my flight decides that my flight would be the one to blow up?” or, “What if I am just in the wrong place at the wrong time?” I have watched as government officials have expressed grief over the loss of another officer who won’t go home to their family. I have felt the pain of watching innocent civilians lose their lives in a matter of seconds on my cell phone. I feel injustice for them and wonder what they did wrong. But I think, “Why are such innocent men and women in uniform paying with their lives?” Racial tensions are high and being in an interracial relationship I fear being mistreated in our day to day lives.

Our country is not the only place suffering. I have watched foreign countries be ravaged by terrorists who proudly boast in the death toll numbers that roll across the ticker at the bottom of my television screen. Every night I think I have held my face in my hands and said, “Father! Help us.” Aloud. I have shared with you before the deep pains of not being with child but I found myself wondering, “Lord, should we even want to bring a child in this world?” If things are like this now, I can’t imagine what is to come. Wanting a child won’t change, but I just can’t help but think that I feel so unsafe. Nothing looks like it is getting better.

But I was able to sit in my first In the Garden Bible study this past week and couldn’t help but think that this came at the perfect time. We have done this study before, this time last year to be exact. But this time the study has come at a different season in my life. I have a better understanding of walking with Christ. I am still and always will be a work in progress but I am learning. And this time in the study the Holy Spirit continues revealing sweet treasure in God’s Word that I am living on day to day.

I mean honestly, it wasn’t until the last few weeks that this fear has taken hold. But I don’t know, many of you may struggle with a different kind of fear? Fear of man, fear of failing, fear of not pleasing everyone. I often take the book of Psalms for granted. I use to only go to Psalms if I needed a plea to the Lord or a great praise to Him because I couldn’t find my own words. But I was reminded during my quiet time of Psalm 121. When we suffer from fear or any way of thinking that takes away from who God is for that matter, think on this:

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. (Psa. 121)

I am so guilty of stealing His glory and feeding my sins. I am guilty even of being prideful in my way and thinking, “Okay, I have read this before….let me read a little faster so I can get to my next section and be done for the day.” But how grateful am I that He doesn’t leave me dead in my sinful thinking. How blessed am I that I get another opportunity to stop feeding not only my sin of fear, but of doubt, unbelief, and mistrust. And instead offer up a sacrifice of praise, thanks, and song to Him.

This week I saw that I am in God’s hands. The same hands that fashioned the universe hold me together. I am not going to allow fear to lead me, but I will fall before my King and go to where my help comes from. I am learning to fall before Him and intercede and make my supplications known to Him. I am learning that fear is a hindrance. It allows this human mind to wonder about a future that only God holds. Fear can drive you to doubt, unbelief, and lack of trust. Ultimately my fears have driven me to look at self. But when you are constantly meditating on the Word of God, I feel as though it leaves no room to focus on self.

There is so much anxiety, worry, stress, and pressure that is lifted when I just trust Him. I know it sounds cliché. So I will tell you this. When I started to think about this and really say, “Okay, Lord, I want to trust you,” I still had to follow it up with, “I am not sure if I am suppose to feel something, Lord. Could you please help my mind and heart match.” I always use to get real nervous because I never felt an immediate physical response to certain prayers. I am learning that it is okay if you don’t feel a new spark or tingle in the pit of your stomach when you have just asked for a change in you.

But I will tell you a change that I have felt–peace about my future. “For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isa. 41:13 NIV). The God of all–think about that with me–the God of the sky, moon, stars, oceans, wind, animals, flowers (and everything else you can think of!) said that He would help me. I am grateful to have my sin of fear exposed so that I can now start the work along side Him in the garden of my heart. It showed me that I was often fearful of a tomorrow that I never knew I clung to so strongly. I want to weed out this doubt and watch the beautiful blooms that spring forth when I can give it all over to Him. And remember:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)

All for His Glory

THBBloomBlogForgetMeNots

Sometimes I have those quiet times with the Lord where I just feel like I love Him and I feel close to Him. Everything around me is just beautiful–the sun is rising, the birds are chirping. I woke up on time and I don’t feel rushed and it’s like the Scriptures I’m reading just make perfect sense. It’s all just Instagram worthy you know? Pretty background, Bible open, half drank cup of coffee next to the Bible. I honestly have left quiet times feeling on cloud 9, but if I were being honest, those times are actually few and far between. And if I were being even more honest, the times I have felt like that probably have a lot more to do with the circumstances around me versus my actual time with the Lord.

I’ve begun the In the Garden study with Thistlebend. I’m always tempted at the beginning of a new study to think that this is going to be the study that I’m going to really feel close to the Lord because I’m going to do it perfectly (i.e. I won’t sleep in any, I’ll always do each day when I’m supposed to, I’ll always complete each day, and I’ll always feel just great and refreshed after each day of the week). Let’s just say the Lord has made it clear already in the first week that this study is not supposed to go how I think it should, but how He knows it should.

While I know that feelings don’t dictate what is true, I do happen to like those mornings when my quiet times feel productive, feel like there’s progress made, where I feel like I love the Lord and I have a desire to worship Him–and not just for an Instagram shot! This morning, however, as I’m going on my fourth day of week one, was not one of those mornings. I confess, my quiet time began this morning because I felt obligated, I felt like it was something I needed to cross off my list before I could really get to the bulk of my day. I began with the Praise and Thanks section of the study feeling anything but good feelings about praising and thanking the Lord. I was going through the motions and I hated it but didn’t really know what to do about it. God in His sweetness and grace knew though.

He started working what He had planned for my morning during the Praise and Thanks section too, but I just didn’t realize it yet. Psalm 105:5 stuck out to me on the page: “Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles, and the judgements he uttered.” I circled the word remember. I went on to the Listening to God section and wrote in my journal the truth of Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” I also wrote down in my journal 1 Timothy 1:15, “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost,” and Deuteronomy 5:15, “You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.”

The Lord was working and I started to really meditate on the truth of Galatians 2:20. The Word says that I no longer live, which means that my wants, my ways, my fears, my schedule, etc., these things don’t have power or take precedence because it’s not me who lives, but Christ who lives in me. This truth also says that because of His love, the life I live in the flesh I live by faith in Him because He gave His life for me. I wrote in my journal, “which is why He should live through me, I owe Him my life.” It was around this time that the Lord began to convict me as I read 1 Timothy 1:15 and then Deuteronomy 5:15 and thought back to Psalm 105:5 about remembering. Remembering what the Lord has done for me, remembering that I am nothing without the Lord. I’d like to tell you that as I entered into the Confession section of Day Four that my heart was saddened and I was mourning my sin and cried out to the Lord for help. Instead I got a phone call from my husband before that happened. He needed me to be somewhere in about 30 minutes.

I was so annoyed. I not only had over 30 minutes of quiet time left to complete, but I also had dirty dishes in the sink, an unmade bed, a workout not done yet, and a not showered self. You see, while I know it’s ridiculous really, I hate to leave my house undone. And when I have a plan in my head of how my day is going to go and then it gets scrambled, I don’t handle it well. I didn’t want to leave my house to go where he needed me to go because in my mind that wasn’t a part of the no agenda day that I had planned. (Yes I realize the irony in that sentence!) I was so rude to him and huffed and puffed while getting off the phone. Since I was already being convicted before the phone call, I was even more so once I hit the end button. To add fuel to the fire, this wasn’t just something my husband wanted for himself or something that could be done later. This was something that arose because of the amazing gift that I’ve been writing about lately that the Lord did actually give us. And here I was huffing and puffing about it instead of remembering what the Lord had done! Not to mention that I had just wrote down the truth that I no longer live so my plans no longer take precedence.

I confessed to the Lord in my journal:

“Lord, I hate how I just acted to my husband. I just was anticipating a no agenda day and because of me wanting the schedule in my way I got frustrated. Things don’t have to be done before I leave the house like I think they do. I feel pressure that doesn’t exist, like that leaving the house undone somehow fails my husband, which is just silly. What a perfect time to talk about rest as I feel most at peace when all things are crossed off my to-do list or when I have my own plan of how it will get done. My own plan—not yours. My peace should not come from a clean, organized house or a crossed off to-do list, or my plan working out. It should come from you alone, that you are in control and you live through me. Lord, I’ve fallen into the temptation now that you have given us this sweet gift and things are moving in our favor, [of not praying] as diligently to you. We praised you for the gift and now that it’s reality how quickly I forget where it came from. This is just like with my salvation too, Lord. I don’t remember your works, I don’t remember that you alone live through me. The focus is on me. I get my way and move on or pout and get cranky about schedule changes. Lord, will you please forgive me? Will you please grant me grace to repent—you’re more real than the need to do dishes or make the bed or fluff the pillows. You are the real reality. Help me, Father.”

The Lord made such a connection with me about the way I acted—pouty and annoyed over things not going my way this morning and how easily I forget His works. Not only the works of the earthly gift that He just gave me and my husband, but even His greatest work on the cross for me. The truth is, Christ now lives in me. I no longer live. When my flesh wants to flare up and live out more than Christ in me, and I see it all happening in front of my eyes, then I don’t have those feel good quiet times. But even though I didn’t feel good this morning, what I did see was that Christ does in fact live in me. While my flesh reared her ugly head, He worked to convict me and sanctify me in His truth and allowed me grace to see my sin and confess my sin. God had His way this morning in my quiet time and with my schedule. And that, dear sisters, is what by His grace I do want–even if it doesn’t feel good. I want my ways and my plans more often than not, but He is God and I am not, and His ways will prevail. I’m thankful that I got to see that this morning.

Let us all remember that He is God and we are not. May we all remember His wondrous works and that if we are in Christ, we no longer live, but He lives in us! And Lord, please help us all push through the temptation of discouragement if we don’t feel something in our times with you and trust that you are there and at work.

Planted for His Glory