Waiting on the Lord

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Do you feel like you are waiting for the Lord to do a great work in your heart?

That was one of the reflection questions in our homework last week after being asked to read Psalm 40. We are studying David and his love for and trust in the Lord during our current Bible study, Falling in Love Again with Your Lord.

It’s a great question.

David says,

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.  He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. (Psa. 40:1-2)

I love the image of the Lord leaning toward me, His ear to me, listening to me! In my mind’s eye, I can see the God of the universe, creator of heaven and earth, placing His ear to my lips to hear my cry. Because I am, indeed, crying out to Him! I am crying out for deliverance from this season of affliction and pain, for restoration, for perseverance, for peace.

I suffer from chronic pain. My physical pain is an area of vulnerability for me, and the enemy latches on to this. It is easy for me to become fearful: will I always hurt? Will I always suffer this fatigue and pain? Will I ever have a day when I actually feel well? It is easy for me to take my eyes off the Lord and place them on my circumstances. It is easy for me to lose faith or to misplace my faith. I fall victim to despair.

David is a beautiful example to me of someone who praised God despite His circumstances. His faith grew and he praised God no matter what he was going through, how he felt, or what he faced.

I am currently unable to do much of what I used to do. I used to have a clean house. I used to be able to cook dinner. I used to check Facebook and keep up with e-mail. I used to know my children’s school calendars and keep up with events. I used to “feel” organized and “feel” in control of my life.

The Lord is using my affliction (and, even more painfully, the affliction of one of my children) to strip away what I thought was important. This is not an easy time. But the Lord, in His lovingkindness, has provided for me and placed me in this study of David, who lived through great highs and lows. The example of David’s life reminds me that God does incline His ear to me. HE is my Deliverer. HE makes my steps sure. HE leads me besides still waters and restores my soul. He wants my eyes on Him. He wants me to trust Him, to depend on Him.

I may not “feel” like this, but I know the Lord is using this season of affliction for my good. His Word promises that, and I believe it. David constantly praises God throughout the psalms, regardless of his circumstances, regardless of the storms of his life. He knows his help comes from the Lord.

As David says,

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!”  As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God! (Psa. 40:16-17)

I am praying the Lord will deliver, and that He will not delay, but in the meantime, the new song in my mouth will forever praise Him and His love for me.

Growing in Grace

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Yahweh, I Am Writing to You

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Father, I am wounded, but you will heal me. Right now, I am writing to you because my heart is hurting. Your truth said in Psalm 119:130 that your Word “imparts understanding to the simple.” I am learning how simple I am. I know I am to trust you, YAHWEH. You are “I AM.” I see that my flesh and my feelings are my pit of destruction. Psalm 40 reminds me that you have pulled those you love from this pit before. I know you will pull me out of this pit, I understand that I am to trust you IN ALL THINGS. But, my heart is hurting.

You keep me not just today, but every day single day. My heart feels like it has no joy right now, but I want to be filled with a love that brings such sweet joy no matter my wounds. Take my heart and keep it. Take my mind and keep it. You are my provider, my stronghold, my safe place. YAHWEH, I have to keep speaking these truths to myself right now because my flesh and feelings want to take my eyes off of you. Right now, I need to thank you; I need to praise you. I need to stop and come before you, on my knees as I write this. I need to lift up praise. “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you” (Psa. 63:3).

I thank you for peeling back the layers that were on my heart and covering my eyes. Your magnificence, glory, and majesty can never be surpassed. You have sustained all things, my great Lord. You are Elohim. The one and only true God! Your ways are spectacular and I know this because I have read of your works and I have seen them with my eyes. I know you are sovereign. This life is not meant to be lived without knowing you. Not just knowing of you; knowing you. Knowing you so deeply that my heart aches be alone in my time with you.

These worries, cares, and things of this world are too heavy for me. I want to be so close to you that none of this matters anymore. I want to want you more than anything because I know you are real. Needing you more is what I need, but I know I am not capable of loving you this deeply without you giving me the grace to do so. Give me a desire to want to be so close to you that I see nothing else. Give me a spark. Let this spark ignite a flame that sets my heart ablaze for you. In the day, night, and even in the seconds never let this flame cease to burn. Like David, help me to earnestly seek you in everything, every matter. I am falling in love with you YAHWEH, and I feel so overwhelmed with gratefulness that you have allowed me to fall into you, rest in you, and to delight in you.

I use to wonder, “Why me?” But now I say, “Thank you for choosing me.” This love is something I have never felt before. I never knew I could feel this from you. I am your daughter, heir, and your creation. I am completely yours. If doubt comes upon me, never let it tarry in my mind. Let the words of Psalm 63 wash over me, let your Word dissolve all that is not like you in me. I know there will be failure, but don’t let me settle there. That is not where I want to dwell. Instead let me dwell in your presence. Allow me to think on these things: the God that has a heart for me gave His Son, Jesus. Jesus took my place. He took upon himself the “accursed tree.” He thought of me and drank the cup I could not. The lamb of God blameless and perfect became sin. He took the sin of the world. Jesus took my place so I could stand before God. He loved me enough to die for me, and when He rose from the dead I was raised with Him and was given the gift of life, the gift of grace, the love of mercy.

On days like this, I will pick this up and read my letter to you. I will be thankful for seeing that there was nothing I could do to pay my debt, and you made provision for me. Let me see that in these moments I still want everything to be for you. My marriage, my home, my family is all for you. No matter what is to come, you have been for me what no one has ever been, my Savior. I am not sure what my future may hold from here on out, but let my confidence never wavier. Even though I am simple and made of flesh and blood, “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Sol. 2:16). For all my days, be my Beloved above everyone and everything. No matter what.

Love, your daughter

All for His Glory

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Be Real

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What would they think if they could see?
Why do I care so much what they think of me?
What is the worst that could happen if they saw
When I am open, vulnerable, and completely raw?

What is the worst; why do I fear?
Why do I put up these walls so no one can get near?
To keep myself from being rejected, I can hear my heart say.
But then I hear Jesus, and He whispers, “That is not the way.

“I know how you feel; I endured the rejection.
It was for you, my love, that I walked the road of persecution.
So don’t be afraid, because I am right there.
I will never leave you; you are always in my care.”

There is One, He says, who truly knows your heart.
For He created your inmost being and knew your name from the start.

My Lord and my God; He’s seen it all;
The dirt, the filth, every time I fall.
And yet He waits; not to condemn,
But to love me and forgive me and help me start again.

For it is in my weakness that God’s power can be seen.
It is in my weakness that His glory is revealed.
So now He calls me to trust Him and lay down all my pride,
To go ahead and let them see what’s really there inside.

I can hear Him whisper, “Follow Me and do not fear.
Let Me tear down those walls so My people can get near.”
Open your heart, be real and be true . . .
For only then will they see Jesus in you.

Learning to Live in the Garden of Grace

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