Why Now?

THBBloomBlogRose

As this study draws near to closing, I find myself reflecting on many things that took place while I was in Falling in Love Again with Your Lord. I dealt heavily in areas of feelings and asking God, “Why?” “Why are you doing this now?” was a really big question I had during this study. I am convinced that He brought me to a place during this study where all I would focus on and need was His sustaining love and the words of His truth. There were areas uncovered in the deepest parts of my heart I wanted to hide, but they had to be confronted if this love was to be real. What I would learn through this all was that He keeps me, loves me, and cares for me, and wants to create in us all a faith that can stand against any trial and test we may face.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)

I struggled with many things during this study. Here are a few:

-Trying to earn or control His love

-Keeping Him at a distance so I wouldn’t have to open up in certain areas of my life

-Holding others in contempt

-Wanting to be heard or wanting to be justified

-Letting go of my desires in life (a name for myself, power, position)

-Fear of what He would take from me (husband, no children)

-Finding out I didn’t trust Him because I felt as though I had been betrayed by Him

Have you heard that saying, “When it rains it pours”? No joke, these struggles were almost all at once. I couldn’t hide anymore, and I think above all, this was the most uncomfortable: People were seeing me struggle. These weren’t situations I could hide or deal with privately. I was exposed. I don’t like being vunerable and this is right where He had me—vulnerable and open. It would not be wise to tell you this walk with the Lord is easy. If you ask Him to change you, He will, and the trials will come. Who we place our hope and trust in will make all the difference in the end, and it took major adjusting to place my eyes on Christ. I am still adjusting…every day.

I wanted to share with you what I shared with the ladies one Tuesday night:

Right now, to say “He is completely in control” despite what my eyes can see, is clearly His grace being poured upon me in this study. Through trials and tribulations I would abandon any trust in Him and question everything. I couldn’t see beyond the feeling of betrayal I let lead me. He is taking me to a place where instead of asking, “Why?” it is as though I can feel Him molding me. There will be days when you hurt, when you cry, and when you feel everything BUT love. But I am telling you, we can’t be tempted to follow this. We have to stop and go to Him confessing out loud that we don’t know how to count it all joy. In His time, He will pour out His grace and it will be sufficient.

All for His Glory

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I Can’t Do This On My Own

THBBloomBlogForgetMeNots

In so many different ways lately the Lord has been reminding me of the truth that this world I live in now is not my home. I am just passing through. If you are in Christ, you are just passing through this world too. We are here for God’s glory and His purposes alone. All of our circumstances, all of our trials, are ALL for His glory. That’s been the theme of teaching the past few weeks in our Falling in Love Again with Your Lord study and also what I’ve been learning about in my church. I don’t know about you, but that truth is so easy for me to write and say I believe, but it’s a whole different thing to really live it out. Here’s a prayer I prayed to the Lord recently, crying out for His help, because apart from Him I can do nothing. Apart from Him you can do nothing. Be encouraged that none of us can do this on our own, but cry out to the Lord with me to live for His glory alone.

Lord, it’s so easy for me to say right now this world is not my home and I’m just passing through. It’s easy for me to even feel that truth to be true. Lord, I really, really want to know and would love to feel this truth to be true because that would make it easier when my kiddo wakes up from his nap early and I had more things I wanted to get done. I want to believe it when I’m sitting in traffic for an hour with a screaming, hungry baby or when a friendship is hurt and it takes time to get back to normal. I want to believe it when all I want to do is sleep for 15 more minutes instead of getting up for my time with you. And, Lord, I want to believe it when the big trials come too. Even as I pray this I see the focus on myself and the ingratitude as no major trial is going on in my life right now, but things just aren’t “perfect.” And of course not “perfect” by my definition of the word. Lord, I want to live by this truth and I have no ability to. I want to set my mind on things above, where my life really is. I need you, Lord. Please have mercy, for your glory.

Planted for His Glory

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When Storms Come

THBBloomBlogLotus

As you can tell from my last several blog posts, it has been a season of trials and tribulations for my family. From scares, injuries, accidents, and anxiety, we have been walking through a season where we are 100% confident the Lord is trying to teach us something. We are now walking through another situation with my husband’s job. We really aren’t sure where he is going to end up and he could be jobless for weeks or several months. It is frightening and even terrifying at times as we consider the unknown.

My emotions are ever changing — I feel content and fine with the situation and then I will break out in tears fearful of the unknown. I am learning time and time again that I cannot trust my feelings and I am learning the importance of staying in the Word and knowing God’s truths.

Luke 8:22-25 says:

One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”

I had saved one of Laurie’s eMoments from a while back where she focused in on this Scripture. After sharing this passage she asked the readers, “Where do we place our faith? Do we believe in what we see or do we believe in His Word? Do we rely on what we see or on what we know to be true?” These are the exact same questions the Lord has been asking me as I walk through this season. Laurie went on to say in that particular eMoment, “He is Lord even in a storm. He is Lord even in your failure. HE is Lord even in your weakness.”

This season is still hard. I struggle to trust the Lord in between moments of faith and surrender. I can’t help but remain grateful for the Lord’s patience with me but also for the community He has surrounded us with. Our brothers and sisters in Christ who have encouraged us, prayed over us, and circled around us during our difficulty are Christ’s hands and feet to us right now. A friend was just encouraging me the other day on the phone and said that it’s crazy because this is so tough now but in a few years we will look back at the situation now and laugh because it will be such a small trial compared to how faithful the Lord will be.

I’ve heard this quote before, although I do not know who originally said it. Nevertheless, it keeps returning to mind: “The Lord is a light unto our path not a spotlight into our future.” He provides grace for one day at a time.

He already has the ending of the story written. Sometimes I wish I could flip to the last page and see the ending, but that isn’t how God works, is it? One day at a time — and boy does my sweet, precious, faithful, loving, gracious Father provide grace for each day.

Laurie ended her eMoment with a prayer and it is a prayer I have been praying a lot over the last several weeks. It goes like this: “I confess my temptation to listen to lies, to doubt, to be tossed by the waves, and to be frightened by things I don’t understand. Lord, help me believe what is true. Your love is perfect. Your ways are perfect. Your glory is forever.”

Friends, I feel the Lord leading me to share all of this with you because life on this side of eternity is not easy, and the Lord doesn’t promise life without trials and pain. BUT it is during those times that we need to circle around our Christian brothers and sisters and remind them of the truth. We can be tossed side to side by waves and wind, but God created the ocean and He can calm the storm in half a second. It is how we respond that proves where our hope is found. I am praying during my storm that I can overcome my feelings, ignore the enemy, and believe God’s perfect truth. I am so grateful for my Abba Father and His love that endures forever.

Standing on the Word

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