I’m a new momma. While I’ve tried to keep life from changing as much as possible, because I hate change, I’m realizing that it’s inevitable that things have to. I’ve struggled more than I would like to admit with this, mainly because I feel guilty that I keep wanting/mourning my old way of life before my little buddy came into it, and I feel as if I should just have all these mushy gooshy loving feelings all the time for him.
I’ve been praying about this to the Lord. I know feelings don’t determine the ultimate truth (i.e., just because I really liked the way things were before him doesn’t mean I don’t love him and love this new life). But I have been asking the Lord to help me fully embrace and press on in this new life and I’ve been asking Him to help me feel the feelings as a comfort to me.
A really cool thing happened the other day. This past week of Falling in Love Again with Your Lord was all about God’s power. We read Scriptures from Job where God was asking him, “where were you when I did…” fill in the blank of the million and one things (everything around us) that God has created. I was struck by some other Scriptures in Psalms about how even the lions going out to get food is not something that just happens by chance; it’s because God is controlling nature and providing their food. Literally the entire universe at this very moment is being held together by God’s power. It’s amazing to think about and just to attempt to wrap my feeble mind around. I was talking with a friend who is also participating in the study this semester, and we were just talking about the amazingness of all of that truth. She started to share with me that the Lord revealed to her a while back that she had a fear of missing out. Missing out just on another way of life—what the world could offer her that seems so great while we’re here in the moment. She shared, though, that the Lord was revealing to her and helping her to believe the amazingness of who He really is and that while she may be missing out on something in this life, she’s now seeing that it’s okay because she’s gaining something so much better—a relationship with the God that literally holds and makes the world go on.
As she was saying this I literally looked at my son, who was sleeping in my arms and it was like the Lord completely opened my eyes and gave me new understanding. I have a fear of missing out too. Missing out on what life would be like without kids—my husband and I would be comfortable, life would probably look a lot easier. We already had our routine down by ourselves. In my mind right now, because things are changing so much, it seems as if we didn’t have kids, if it were just me and my husband, we could coast and always keep things the same. (I know this isn’t completely true because things would still change over time.) Because I want this perfect life, I want it “all” by the world’s standards, that would be a lot easier to maintain. But the Lord revealed to me that my son is so much better! That he’s worth laying those fears aside; he’s worth going through the changes for. What’s even sweeter is that my son is worth laying things down to gain something so much better just like the Lord is worth laying my entire life down because HE IS SO MUCH BETTER!
I want it “all” in this world. To me, having it all means having a perfectly clean, decorated house, having a very strict routine that you follow the exact same way every day, that the way people look at you is always good and you never show weakness. What the Lord is opening my eyes to is that if I really want it “all,” it’s through Him alone. Jesus wants to be my all.
Philippians 3:4-14 says:
…though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Paul had it “all” here on this earth, but he knew that knowing Christ and living out of his identity in Him was so much better. By God’s grace I’m learning that too. And just like Paul I don’t know this perfectly or live this perfectly and never will this side of heaven, but by God’s grace alone I press on, because Jesus far surpasses anything that I would miss out on or have here on this earth.
Planted for His Glory