Saying No to Feelings

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Through this whole Heart of a Woman study the Lord is having me think about focus and perspective. It’s basically all I have been writing about. And my flesh, even in this moment, wants me to feel shame and guilt because we’re going on lesson eight now and I’m still talking about and failing at the same thing that the Lord opened my eyes to even before this study began. And I’m supposed to be repenting, and I’m not. You should get this by now; you’re a failure; God must be so annoyed with you; it’s very simple and you’re letting Him down. The feelings and thoughts swirl in my mind, but again, back to focus, my eyes must be on who my God is, not who my flesh is feeling He is. It’s hard to say no to my flesh. It’s hard to say no to my feelings.

The day of our study getting together this past week a co-worker and I were talking. She was telling me about being in labor with her second child and how she was laboring naturally as long as she could before getting an epidural. She said some things about being in labor and feeling the pain without an epidural that were so interesting to me. She said, “It’s really all about focus. You’ve got to focus on anything other than the pain.” She also talked about how she was laboring one centimeter at a time. She wasn’t thinking, “I’ve got to get to ten centimeters, and I’m only at one,” she was thinking, “Okay let me just get to two centimeters.” I found that story so interesting and such an analogy for how I’m supposed to focus on things throughout my day. I’ve got to focus on the Lord over the bad circumstance, over the exhaustion, over things just not going my way.

I then came to Bible study that night to hear Laurie share an experience, that while completely different from being in labor, was oddly similar at the same time. She explained about a commitment she had made to the Lord to work out through swimming. Through some sad circumstances that had been going on around her, she was physically and mentally exhausted and had nothing in her to get to that pool to keep the commitment she had made. She explained, in a very detailed way each step she took by God’s grace in order to keep her commitment, though everything in her flesh was telling her she didn’t need to go swim. Some correlations to the labor story were that her focus wasn’t on herself and the utter pain she was feeling, she had to continually, step by step, say no to her feelings of fatigue and lack of desire in general and look to the Lord and her love for the Lord and her need for the Lord in order to keep this commitment. She wasn’t looking at this big commitment as one whole. She wasn’t looking from inside her car in the parking lot and thinking, “I have to get to that pool.” She was thinking, “I just need to get out of the car and walk to the door. Help me, Lord.” Then once she was through the door, “I just need to get to the locker room,” etc. etc. until she was swimming in the pool, all one step at a time and focused.

By God’s grace, Laurie said no to her flesh. She said no to her feelings. She kept her commitment and swam and repented of her own desires. In my co-worker’s story, she said no to her feelings of pain with a focus on wanting to labor naturally.

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, no on things that are on earth” (Col. 3:1-2).

If things don’t go my way, none of my “dreams” come true, none of my expectations come to fruition, or I lose “everything” I have here on this earth, my feelings would be sad, angry, questioning, apathetic, and ungrateful, but by God’s grace I could say no to my feelings. I could say no to my flesh by grace through faith. My feelings don’t have to dictate my response to anything because my focus could be on the truth instead. My focus could be on things above, where Christ is.

“Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways” (Psa. 119:36-37).

I didn’t see how little I say no to my flesh and my feelings until yesterday. If I want to hit the snooze button and sleep a little bit longer before my quiet time, it’s pretty easy to justify that I just need more sleep. If I wanted that second glass of lemonade, even though I know it’s filled with sugar that’s not good for me or the baby inside me it’s pretty easy to justify it by saying, “Oh I’m pregnant and I won’t do this every day, just this one time.” If I want to pick at my finger nails or my lips (I know, so weird, but one of my things, ha!) and just let my mind go off to I don’t even know what type of distraction, even though it drives my husband crazy, it’s easy to justify it and say it’s a habit I’ve always had and I can’t break it. My heart and my mind are not on the Lord’s testimonies, my mind and heart are focused on what I want, what will make me feel good, and I look at all of those worthless things throughout my day instead of the One who is worthy.

It’s hard to say no to my flesh. It’s hard to say no to my feelings. I know by God’s grace, however, that I can repent one step at a time throughout my days and my focus can be on the only One who will ever be worth looking to. I know this is true for you too. I tell you all of this because I know this is truth, but I haven’t been living the truth. If you feel discouraged, I want you to be encouraged by hearing me say, “Me too.” It’s hard to be faced with your sin week after week, it’s tough to look intently at your heart, and it’s hard to go step by step into saying no to something your flesh really wants. It’s a lot easier to just go through the motions of our days. But let’s turn our eyes from these worthless things of earth and fix our focus above, where Christ is, where our TRUE LIFE is, and trust that his grace is sufficient.

Planted for His Glory

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Living for God Rather Than “Likes”

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I scroll through my Instagram feed and I feel my flesh growing sad.

As I look at all the photos I catch myself gazing into the lives of so many people and comparing my life to theirs. I catch myself yearning for what they have. I’m jealous that they are more well “liked” than I am. How silly is that? I have a God whose love is steadfast and isn’t partial to anyone. Job 34:19 says that God “shows no partiality to princes, nor regards the rich more than the poor, for they are all the work of his hands…”

I forget that I was made by the Lord. He knows all of my imperfections and yet He loves me. When I compare myself, God weeps. He weeps because I am telling Him He messed up, He didn’t make a “good enough” person. I am average. But to God I am the furthest thing from average; I am His creation. He does not prefer the person who receives 200 likes on a photo nor does he prefer someone who receives none. He loves us all! We were made with the hands of God!

Instead of scrolling through my feed, I need to fill my heart with His Word. Instead of living for “likes” I should be living for my Heavenly Father. By taking the focus off of the world, I can focus on His Word. Diving deeper and deeper until my cup overflows with love for Him. I pray I will love Him as He loves me!

Showered in His Love

 

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One Step at a Time

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Just take one more step. Laurie’s lecture this week really hit me between the eyes because well…I just give in to my flesh all the time. I decide to sit or lay down instead of taking the next step, or look at the million steps I need to take and become paralyzed by fear. I wonder what all I have missed seeing the Holy Spirit do when I am at the end of myself because I usually just quit and give up, instead of taking one more step by faith.

I am a feeler, so I run by my “feeling” radar so much of the time. If I “feel” tired or sad or happy, I just go with it and don’t really consider that perhaps I am indulging my flesh. Let’s take tonight for example. I really “felt” like I needed a glass of wine. My 2 year old seems to be getting in a gagillion teeth and has turned into the Temper Tantrum King the last few weeks. My husband worked late, my other children were fighting…yada, yada. By nine o’clock all I wanted to do was sit on the couch, read a bit of my book, and drink a glass of wine.

BUT, there was this thing called a fast that I had committed to and agua was to be my only beverage. The flesh was trying to rationalize the sin: “But you have had a long day, it’s Thursday night, you deserve it, you have been so diligent the last few weeks, what is one drink?”

Then I remembered my prayer as we initiated the fast several weeks ago. “Lord, I want to be emptied of self so I can actually be filled with You.” And as Laurie so aptly pointed out this past week in her lecture, MOTIVE MATTERS. Am I following my fast out of strictly duty or because my Bible study leader has asked me to, or in pride so I can check off another box on my religion list proving I am a legit Christian? Or is it out of humble love and devotion for my Savior?

So I confessed to the Lord that I really desired that glass of wine, BUT I desire Him more. I want Him to be my all in all. I want the privilege of seeing Him work in my weakness and frailty and for Him to increase my faith and love. I want my heart to be truly FREE to follow Him and not entangled by the world and its empty pursuits or my flesh and its desire for a temporary fix.

I need Him to increase my vision and lift my gaze from this world and help me to see His Kingdom that is being established here and now in my heart as I turn from my desires and trust Him ONE STEP AT A TIME. One glass of water instead of wine, one denied piece of chocolate or dessert, another day off of social media or without makeup. Each decision to turn away from self and choose Christ matters!

Peter’s words this morning brought me to tears as I considered once again the good news of the gospel and this amazing privilege we have of living for Christ. May they encourage you as well!

What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you’ll have it all—life healed and whole.

So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn’t know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.”

 You call out to God for help and he helps—he’s a good Father that way. But don’t forget, he’s also a responsible Father, and won’t let you get by with sloppy living.

Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ’s sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It’s because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God. (1 Peter 1: 3-5, 13-21 The Message).

Rooted in Christ

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