God’s Love > My Sin

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Someone recently said to me, “God isn’t surprised by our sin.”

Throughout the day that phrase just stuck with me for some reason. He isn’t surprised when I chose sleep over time in His Word? He isn’t surprised when I gossip with a friend and don’t even feel convicted until days later? He isn’t surprised when I long for more earthly treasures instead of putting my hope in heavenly treasures? You see – I continue to surprise myself with my sin. I think I get a grip on my gossip; I even feel thankful because when someone else is gossiping, I bite my tongue and change the subject (by God’s grace). Yet then the next day I am babbling on about someone else for ten or fifteen minutes and don’t even realize what I am doing until it’s too late. My sin surprises me. I think to myself, “I have been a follower of Christ long enough; shouldn’t I have that under control?” Or I think, “What is wrong with me that I would sin in the same way I sinned five years ago?” Guilt and shame creep in and I feel inadequate and unlovable.

And yet the Lord isn’t surprised by my sin. God knows where I will fall short and He still loves me unconditionally in Christ.

Have you ever felt like your sin is overwhelming? Have you ever felt shame or guilt for repeating the same sin struggle time and time again? You repent of it – and I mean truly crying out to the Lord in repentance – but then you fall into that same sin again. It is hard. It is hard for me to see how ugly, how nasty, my sin can be.

My husband and I were recently reading about the Israelites and laughing about how many times they turned from God. I mean really? God literally provided manna from the sky for them to eat – how could they not trust Him? As we talked about it more, I couldn’t help but laugh. I know I do the exact same thing to the Lord that the Israelites did. I worry, yet He provides a job. I gossip, yet He forgives me again. I cringe before tithing more to church, and yet He convicts me and gives me grace upon grace upon grace.

God wasn’t surprised by the Israelites and I don’t surprise Him either. God’s love surpasses all understanding (Eph. 3:19). God loves me enough to continue to reveal my sin to me so that I may draw near to Him and know Him more. I will never be free from sin in this life, but because of Jesus dying on the cross I am able to be forgiven so that the Lord may see me as white as snow (Isa. 1:18).

Standing on the Word

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When Storms Come

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As you can tell from my last several blog posts, it has been a season of trials and tribulations for my family. From scares, injuries, accidents, and anxiety, we have been walking through a season where we are 100% confident the Lord is trying to teach us something. We are now walking through another situation with my husband’s job. We really aren’t sure where he is going to end up and he could be jobless for weeks or several months. It is frightening and even terrifying at times as we consider the unknown.

My emotions are ever changing — I feel content and fine with the situation and then I will break out in tears fearful of the unknown. I am learning time and time again that I cannot trust my feelings and I am learning the importance of staying in the Word and knowing God’s truths.

Luke 8:22-25 says:

One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”

I had saved one of Laurie’s eMoments from a while back where she focused in on this Scripture. After sharing this passage she asked the readers, “Where do we place our faith? Do we believe in what we see or do we believe in His Word? Do we rely on what we see or on what we know to be true?” These are the exact same questions the Lord has been asking me as I walk through this season. Laurie went on to say in that particular eMoment, “He is Lord even in a storm. He is Lord even in your failure. HE is Lord even in your weakness.”

This season is still hard. I struggle to trust the Lord in between moments of faith and surrender. I can’t help but remain grateful for the Lord’s patience with me but also for the community He has surrounded us with. Our brothers and sisters in Christ who have encouraged us, prayed over us, and circled around us during our difficulty are Christ’s hands and feet to us right now. A friend was just encouraging me the other day on the phone and said that it’s crazy because this is so tough now but in a few years we will look back at the situation now and laugh because it will be such a small trial compared to how faithful the Lord will be.

I’ve heard this quote before, although I do not know who originally said it. Nevertheless, it keeps returning to mind: “The Lord is a light unto our path not a spotlight into our future.” He provides grace for one day at a time.

He already has the ending of the story written. Sometimes I wish I could flip to the last page and see the ending, but that isn’t how God works, is it? One day at a time — and boy does my sweet, precious, faithful, loving, gracious Father provide grace for each day.

Laurie ended her eMoment with a prayer and it is a prayer I have been praying a lot over the last several weeks. It goes like this: “I confess my temptation to listen to lies, to doubt, to be tossed by the waves, and to be frightened by things I don’t understand. Lord, help me believe what is true. Your love is perfect. Your ways are perfect. Your glory is forever.”

Friends, I feel the Lord leading me to share all of this with you because life on this side of eternity is not easy, and the Lord doesn’t promise life without trials and pain. BUT it is during those times that we need to circle around our Christian brothers and sisters and remind them of the truth. We can be tossed side to side by waves and wind, but God created the ocean and He can calm the storm in half a second. It is how we respond that proves where our hope is found. I am praying during my storm that I can overcome my feelings, ignore the enemy, and believe God’s perfect truth. I am so grateful for my Abba Father and His love that endures forever.

Standing on the Word

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Be Real

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What would they think if they could see?
Why do I care so much what they think of me?
What is the worst that could happen if they saw
When I am open, vulnerable, and completely raw?

What is the worst; why do I fear?
Why do I put up these walls so no one can get near?
To keep myself from being rejected, I can hear my heart say.
But then I hear Jesus, and He whispers, “That is not the way.

“I know how you feel; I endured the rejection.
It was for you, my love, that I walked the road of persecution.
So don’t be afraid, because I am right there.
I will never leave you; you are always in my care.”

There is One, He says, who truly knows your heart.
For He created your inmost being and knew your name from the start.

My Lord and my God; He’s seen it all;
The dirt, the filth, every time I fall.
And yet He waits; not to condemn,
But to love me and forgive me and help me start again.

For it is in my weakness that God’s power can be seen.
It is in my weakness that His glory is revealed.
So now He calls me to trust Him and lay down all my pride,
To go ahead and let them see what’s really there inside.

I can hear Him whisper, “Follow Me and do not fear.
Let Me tear down those walls so My people can get near.”
Open your heart, be real and be true . . .
For only then will they see Jesus in you.

Learning to Live in the Garden of Grace

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