A Prayer for Healing

Lord, I oftentimes wonder why you allow things to happen. The past 24 hours for example — you allowed me to trip while holding my two month old. You allowed a fractured skull. You allowed a fractured elbow. You allowed a nail in our tire the same day we are walking through all of these other things. You see all and have control of all, so why did you allow this to happen to my family? Especially after a major scare with our baby two weeks ago. I was just done surrendering my fear to you over that situation and now we’re here again.

I feel like I am in a pit. I humbly confess that I want to trust you, but I am crippled with fear, guilt, anxiety, shame, and worry. I am fearful that something else will happen completely out of my control. It feels irresponsible to not worry as I’m walking through this journey. It would feel crazy to not fight for control. I feel like I should have no more tears, but yet more still come. Goodness I am hurting, Lord.

You have lead me to Psalm 30. David is calling out to you and asking for help during a time when he was sick. He said, “O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me” (v. 2). I cry out that same request. I am not physically ill but emotionally and spiritually drained. And yet even as I am praying this prayer, I know that several friends are praying for me, and I feel the Holy Spirit closer than ever. I know you are near to me. You tell us that you hear our cry. Oh I know you are listening. My pride tells me to act like I have it all together, to not admit that I am even disappointed that you allowed this to happen, and yet I know that you know my heart. I cannot hide the truth from you Lord, and I don’t want to. I want to lay it all there. Search my heart. Use this to teach me that we don’t always have to understand your plan, we don’t have to get what you’re doing, and we just have to walk forward in faith. Help me to walk forward. Help my head and heart to truly mean it when I say that I am walking forward trusting you.

My husband keeps telling me that I have to actively choose faith over fear. Lord, will you help me do that? Help me to not make my daughter an idol. Help me to trust you and you alone. Like David said in Psalm 30, “Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper! You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory my sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever” (vv. 10-12). Amen.

Standing on the Word