Resting in the Promise of Healing

More than likely at some point in your life, you have become aware of something in your life that you needed to do something about. Maybe you went to the doctor because of a nagging pain in your knee. Maybe you pursued a new job because your previous one was not rewarding. Maybe you have ignored an issue that really needs to be addressed with your spouse.

This Heart of a Woman study has shown me that we all have sin in our life that we need to do something about. Throughout this study, as we have identified our sinful thoughts, attitudes, and actions, I finally had to straight up confess something I have known but not addressed: that I am disrespectful and unpleasant to my husband. I speak to him unkindly. I’ve prioritized my needs over his. It has been humbling to write down “unloving” as one of my sins repeatedly through this study; even more so to confess it. Out loud.

God has been working on me in this area since I started with Thistlebend 2 ½ years ago. I have been convicted of my selfishness over and over. I’ve held countless internal dialogues about what I should say to my husband. But progress doesn’t come from dialogues that only happen in your mind.

I cried out to God to help me, to help my husband and me talk. And God answered. He led my husband and me to a place where, fear or no fear of communication, we had to talk.

If you were to ask me how I have changed since beginning Thistlebend studies, I would say I’ve changed in many ways. My faith is stronger. I better understand what it means to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I know the Lord in a deeper way. I long to follow Him. I see the Lord at work in my life in a much clearer way. I am more aware of my sin but also more aware of God’s grace.

I believed that many of those changes were evident to those closest to me. But my husband burst that bubble. He told me he has seen no change, not towards him.

I was convicted to my core. I felt grieved because true heart change should be visible to the person who sees me at my best and my worst and everything in between. So I did all I knew to do: I confessed to my husband that I had been disrespectful, that I had not honored him as my husband. And I confessed to God how sorry I was that I had not been grateful for the loving husband He had granted me.

I felt wretched. I felt hypocritical.

BUT, because of this study and the systematic way we have identified sinful fruit and how to replace it with righteous fruit, because I have been confessing my sin to my sweet sisters in Christ, because I have been lifted up in prayer, because I have been instructed on how to find Scripture to address my sin, and most importantly, because I know I am redeemed and rescued by Christ my Savior…because of all that, I did not feel defeated. I did not feel afraid. I knew God could change my heart.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16, emphasis added).

I am resting in the promise of healing, and relying on God’s strength to uproot the deepest sin in my heart.

Growing in Grace