Letting God Take Care of Me

Several months ago, my husband was scheduled to have major surgery. The surgery was canceled at the last minute because of an insurance issue. But by the grace of God, my husband was able to reschedule his surgery (with the approval of our insurance), and we are now in countdown mode.

I read through the information his doctor have him and researched his procedure more fully. As I read, an anxious pit opened up in my stomach. Not for my husband. I feel totally at peace, that the surgery is the Lord’s will for him, that the Lord himself will go before my husband and protect my him.

No, the anxiety I felt was for ME. I was suddenly aware of all I would need to do over the days and weeks ahead. I am rehabilitating an injury, so I am not fully healthy. I started to feel overwhelmed by all the thoughts of what I would have to do. How was I going to care for my husband, my children, work, shop, cook, and run our household? My anxiety blossomed into fear.

Praise God I had spent time in the Word the morning I decided to research my husband’s operation. I felt the Lord prompting me: WHY? Why was I scared? After all, I could entrust my husband to the Lord. I was able to remind myself that the same Lord who created the universe watches over my husband. The same God who spoke life into existence watches over my husband. The same God who caused the flood, parted the Red Sea, and fed His people with manna watches over my husband. The same God who sacrificed His only Son so that our sins may be forgiven, so that we may have eternal life – that God watches over my husband.

I know God goes before my husband. So why can I not apply that truth to myself? Why can I not take comfort in this truth? Why is my heart anxious when I have seen with my own eyes how God has redeemed me and delivered me?

Why do I not trust God to take care of me?

I had to acknowledge that somewhere, in my heart of hearts, I don’t know what it means to be really, truly taken care of. I learned early in life that I had to take care of myself. My independence was commended. As a child, I can recall times I needed a parent and didn’t have one to care for me. This affected my relationship with the Lord, because for many years, I had a warped sense of what a father should be. The Lord, in His great love for me, has healed much of my past and He has made a way for me to honor and love both of my parents. But there remains a part of me that doesn’t know how to let the Lord take care of me.

As a dear friend reminded me, it is when we feel most alone that we truly realize God is our everything. The Lord led me to these sweet verses:

The Lord your God is with you. He’s mighty to deliver. He takes great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He rejoices over you with singing. (Zeph. 3:17)

He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. (Psa. 121:3)

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom. 8:38-39)

I will never be able to do all I need to do in my own strength. Not through my husband’s recovery, not through anything in life! Praise God that His grace is all I need, and that His power works best in my weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

Growing in Grace