Weakness

by Angie Thomas

So, I have been thinking a lot about our lesson this past week, “Lord, I am Weak!”.  Can I let you in on a little secret? I hate weakness.  I know hate is a strong word, but it is an accurate description of my feelings toward weakness.  To me weakness means frailty, vulnerability, inability, insufficiency, humiliation….all things which cause my flesh to scream and run in the very opposite direction.

The world and our culture despise weakness as well. After all Darwin’s theory is “Survival of the Fittest.” We have been so indoctrinated by this thinking that we do not even realize it.  Jesus’ words sting in our ears and sound like crazy talk: “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it” (Luke 9:24). Lose our lives? We are trying are darndest to make something of our lives! The thought of intentionally laying it down and saying, “I am yours, Lord, do what you will” seems illogical and unwise. It is interesting to note that this statement from Jesus is repeated in some form in all four of the Gospels.  Matthew and Luke repeat it twice.

Apparently this wasn’t just some one time, random thought Jesus shared with His disciples. It was paramount.  It was the way He wanted them to think. He was giving them a new paradigm to live by.  It was the way He lived His life.  Philippians 2:5-7a says, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself.” Umm, being emptied of all my dreams and desires seems to me like it would result in weakness and a big fat failure. The NIV actually says “he made himself nothing” in verse 7.

I will be completely honest. The thought of being emptied and made nothing actually brings me to tears. Perhaps it is because it is precisely the journey the Lord has had me on the last several years.  From early on in junior high when I saw myself as a no-name rural farm girl from a very humble family, I decided to pursue things the world’s way.  I decided to do whatever I could to make a name for myself.  I spent 8 years during high school and college pursuing my dreams and an identity.  Valedictorian–check. Student Body President–check. Bachelor’s Degree–check. Master’s Degree–check. Successful career–check.  No surprise, I was left with fulfilled “dreams” but an empty heart.  I had pursued my life and tried to take Jesus along for the ride, and it just didn’t work.

Then Jesus asked me to walk away from it all.  He asked me to leave a career I loved in many ways to serve my family and His body.  He asked me to turn down what appeared to be a “dream” job in missions to serve with a fledgling new ministry that’s course was uncharted and at times uncertain.  He asked my husband and me to trust Him with our family planning in the midst of an adoption that had taken three years.  Then He asked us to surrender the dear sweet little girl we thought we were going to be able to adopt, in place of another child He had created.

He has allowed precisely what was needed for this Type A, prideful, stubborn heart to become “weak”. I prayed many years ago that I would follow the Lord at any cost.  I had no idea how high the cost would be. My life as I saw it and “dreamed” it would be is hanging in shambles. But I am beginning to see the glimpses of the beautiful life He promised for those who would lose their life.  As I sat in the room at Bible study last Tuesday night and saw all of you–your heart’s so open and hungry for Him–my heart was filled with overwhelming joy and gladness!  As I see the beloved faces of my children hungering after God and His Word, I see His life.  It is breathtaking and far more beautiful than the dreams I could have ever concocted.

So, my word of encouragement to you, my fellow sisters in Christ is, LET GO.  Don’t be afraid of whatever He is doing to “mess” with your life.  Whether the trial be big or small you can trust Him.  His Father heart of love towards you is strong and sure.  Ask Him for the grace to surrender to whatever is His highest and best for you and your life.  Isaiah 41:9-10 says, “you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and calledfrom its farthest corners, saying to you, ‘You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off’;fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

In handing Him your dreams and your life you are sure to find richness and joy beyond your wildest dreams.  The way down really is the way up.