The Busy Season

As I’ve mentioned before, my husband and I have quite a few changes coming our way in a little under 12 weeks, but who’s counting? Lord willing, we will have a new baby, be in a new house, and my job situation will be different as well. Many things are up in the air—when we will officially move, when our baby will actually be here, what his schedule will be like, and when my job will officially make a change. My husband, while staying busy with work all day then comes home to more work for our new house or more chores that need to get done or you name it, there’s just a lot going on. I’ve been really scared about all of these things, as I’ve probably also mentioned before. I have no idea what life is going to be like, and I’m realizing how much I really don’t like that. I hate it actually.

As I drove to my house after a weekend away for a bachelorette celebration and really not getting to be with my husband at all, I became more and more sad, then angry, then fearful. My thought pattern went something along these lines. First I was sad because I hadn’t talked to my husband that much while I was out of town. Then I was angry with him, and I started blaming him in my head because he’s always working, and I was making up lies that I’m not a priority. And then I became fearful because we’ve got a little one on the way, and I can only imagine that things are going to get crazier, and we’re never going to get our alone time back again. And if this is already how we are now, what’s going to happen when kids are in the picture? Now, trust me, I know I was being dramatic after just one weekend away, but the enemy has just used the slightest change for me and my husband in my head lately to send me for a loop.

I did share these things with my husband when I came home and the Lord sweetly provided time for us that evening, but sadly, it just wasn’t enough…I wanted more. I wanted the busyness to just be gone, I wanted to just be on our honeymoon 24/7, and my attitude was just sour because things were not going my way. I keep dreaming about how life will just be so much easier when things slow down, and then I get really scared as I realize that I don’t know if that is ever going to happen.

Over the weekend I chatted with one of my best friends about praying open handedly. I started to really think about what that looked like. I’ve been praying for a certain timing on things to work out, for all outcomes to work out the way I want them to, and I pray and say I want the Lord’s will, whatever He wants for His glory, but my pouty attitude definitely proved otherwise last night. This morning, I honestly hadn’t even realized all this self-righteous sin that was oozing out of me as I did my quiet time. The Fearless study at the beginning of week 6 prompted me to read Galatians 2:20 and to really think about what I have been given in Christ, and because of what I’ve been given, how to live fearlessly.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal. 2:20).

As I thought more about this verse, I looked and saw one of our wedding pictures on the wall. You don’t see our faces at all in this picture. All you see is our backs, our arms around each other, facing forward, heads bowed in prayer during our ceremony. The Lord put in front of my eyes what our life should be about—together as one, bowing before His throne, wanting His way alone. Because the lives that my husband and I live are no longer ours, but we live by faith in the Son of God who loved us and gave himself for us, the sadness, the anger, the fear cycle that I have been experiencing does not have to happen. Those feelings have no power over me. The Lord gently used this verse and our wedding picture to remind me that our lives are not to be easy and comfortable. We may be in a busy season and, yeah, it may be awesome to be in a slower season soon, but there’s no reason to be scared of the craziness and the unknown. Instead, we can learn to team together during this season for the glory of God alone, and that’s so much better than being on a honeymoon 24/7. We must lean on our God to guide us and we must be given grace to trust Him. Fear will not prevail because our God has already won. I know I will need this reminder many times. My flesh is so weak, and in my flesh I am so selfish, but I’m thankful for the Lord’s grace as He sweetly leads me and my husband through this crazy season, again, all for His glory.

Planted for His Glory