Feeling His Peace

Boiling anger. I let it spill over my top. I did not hold back my wicked tongue, my hateful actions, and my spiteful grudge. I promised myself I would not get this way.

Saturday, I had my family over for Easter and it was supposed to be perfect. I had it planned. What could go wrong? My flesh could go wrong.

My husband and I decided to remodel our bathroom a couple months ago and it has been a work in progress. My husband and his dad worked on it almost every day up until Saturday. I was so excited to show off our new bathroom and how perfect my life was. My focus was totally on self and I wanted all the praise. I wanted to hear the words, “You picked all of this out. Wow how beautiful. This is amazing!” I was forgetting the whole point of having my family over which was to worship the Lord.

I told myself I was going to stay calm, cool, and collected the day of everyone’s arrival. I am prone to letting my anxiety getting the best of me so I made a list. I made the list Friday. It had everything I needed to get done and everything my husband needed to get done. Saturday morning rolled around and I was still calm, so happy that I hadn’t let my nerves take over. I was fine, until I realized that the things on my husband’s list were not done. I was furious. How could he not get such simple tasks done? What was more important than making today perfect?

I let my temple flare. I began to get mad at the smallest things. I was mad he was doing things on my list and not his own. I didn’t need help. I made the list for a reason. My husband hates confrontation. He would rather run at the sign of a fight whereas I want to talk it out. He disappeared for the rest of the day leaving me to simmer in my anger.

By the time we had reached church my grudge was at an all-time high. I was mad and I felt justified. It wasn’t until I heard the music that I began to calm. I let the Lord take over. I gave Him my fear, worry, stress, and resentment. I cried during communion as I felt the Lord’s peace flood over me. It was at that moment, my husband put his arm around mine and I felt safe. I knew everything would be okay. It was in God’s hands. God had already orchestrated for this beautiful day to come. Family who I had been praying to come to church, did. They came and after that realization that was all that mattered. The sermon was catered to me. Do I have any regrets? Yes, I regret letting my flesh take hold and not trusting the Lord.

Thank you, Jesus, for dying for my sin so that I may live. Thank you for keeping your promises. You are so good to me. You love me. You are all I need. Your grace is sufficient. You protect me, you keep me safe. You are my shoulder I can lean on. Only through you can I have peace. You are the way to everlasting love and joy. I will sing your name on high every day. You are my Savior!

Showered in His Love