Do I Believe That…

So last week in the lecture for Lesson 5 of Heart of a Woman — “A Holy Fast: Fasting to Feast,” we were posed with many questions towards the end that definitely stuck with me through Lesson 6. Listed below you can find some of these questions. I definitely encourage you to go through them, and answer truthfully.

• Do I believe Jesus is the answer to everything?
• Do I care?
• Do I believe that Jesus is the most important thing about me?

Now, immediately my lips would love to have said, “Yes!” and they kind of did. But in all honesty, at the root of my heart I really had to stop, take inventory, contemplate, and chew on it for a little while. As I went through this I have placed my thoughts below for you to read. I find myself wanting to hold back on my true opinions, but I am grateful that the Lord keeps me in remembrance of His unfailing love. So here it is!

After what I like to call my knee jerk response, “Yes!” I think I didn’t want to go any further with an answer to these questions listed above, because I know the following: If I am truly working out my salvation with fear and trembling, these things would have to be wrestled with. Sometimes putting aside sin causes us to be uncomfortable and we don’t like to be uncomfortable. Really, I feel like deep down we are trying to justify and hold on to things for a little longer such as anger, pride, envy, or laziness. When talking to God sometimes I find myself saying and feeling things like, “Can’t I just hold on a little bit longer, God?” or, “I won’t do this as often… so do I really need to work on this anger?” I mean we will go to some lengths to try and keep holding on, when we feel that the Lord is trying to cut it away so that we can delight fully in Him.

Just for the record, my answer to some of the questions ended up being, “No.” I felt like for the question, “Do I believe Jesus is the answer to everything?” the answer was a yes, but then I had to ask myself if I am using the tools given to me to overcome all the sin my life. Then that would be, NO!  I had to talk this thing out because the Lord gently showed me that although I say aloud, “Jesus, I love you,” did my heart reflect this? Did my obedience in all things show this? And no it didn’t. I think sometimes as believers we struggle so hard simply believing that Jesus is the answer to all things. I know I personally struggle with this.

The next question was, “Do I care?” Do I really care that Jesus is the answer to everything, and that I have all the tools to overcome my sin? I do really care in my mind, but do I care enough to go through the struggle of putting my flesh to death every day so that I can live as a representative of Christ? Again, I wanted to yell, “YES!” But that is easy to say when I have not asked the Lord to cut away my sins that I so comfortably identify with. The ones that I feel make me who I am as an individual. A walk with Christ can seem super easy to work through when you aren’t inviting Him to change anything about you. Perfect example, I find myself being so judgmental of those who call themselves “Christians,”  but are so stuck in their ways that they won’t change no matter what. Even if you tell them that the Bible speaks on what they are doing. I even feel as though their life is far from a reflection of the gospel. I even wonder if they are taking their own words into consideration, and asking the Lord to truly look into their hearts and change whatever is at the root of their sin?

But oh how thankful I am that the Lord showed me this about myself. Through this question He revealed to me just how self-righteous I can be, how I will do the same exact thing. I am so quick to judge and point my finger at another. So often I find that I am swift to share with others about making sure Jesus is the answer to everything. Or, trying to make sure this person knows that they need to use the tools given to them to overcome their sin and to be in the Word of God. But how often do I look at myself and say the same? Like, never!

Lastly, I asked myself, “Do I believe that Jesus is the most important thing about me?” I mean I am the queen of thinking I make Jesus #1 in my life. Seriously, if you knew me you could go on my social media profiles and find in the description, “Lover of Jesus,” right at the top. But let me be the first to say, I am learning each and every moment that just because I place an emphasis on making sure someone sees that I love Jesus, this ultimately doesn’t mean in my heart of hearts I believe He is the most important thing about me at all times. For a very long time I have struggled with being someone. Heck! I still do. That is one of my sins that I struggle with the most, pride. I mean whether that is being someone in society, or being something in my own little world.

I feel at times parting ways with the world, and losing my individualism is something I am actually most afraid for the Lord to call me to do. I will even ask the Lord, “Father, please use me in whatever way you see fit,” and literally turn around and confess right away, “Abba Father, in my heart I only want you to use me in the areas that I want you to. Please forgive me, and take this feeling from me.” During the lecture when this particular question was raised we were encouraged to pray that by faith we would wholeheartedly believe this. And so on a piece of paper I wrote, “Lord, I don’t feel so sure, I need you to get me to want this because I can’t do this on my own. I want you to be the most important thing about me. Bring me so near to you that I can’t be seen anymore. No matter how it may feel, or how my flesh may resist, could you please pull me closer to you?”

How sweet it is that we don’t have to do this on our own. After last week’s lecture and assignment, I want the Lord to fill me up in a way that only He can. We are asking ourselves these questions throughout this study because we want to live in the fullness of God. My prayer is that I walk with Him daily and truly seek to be a woman after His own heart. I am amazed at how much He cares for us. Even when our human thinking burdens us with doubt in His ability to change our sinful hearts, He never gives up on us or forsakes those He loves. This week I pray that Romans 8:38-39 (ESV) be an encouragement and that God’s unconditional love be made so clear to you. “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

All for His Glory