Dealing with Anger, Part Two

Previously I shared with you all that I would be writing a two part blog. I really just wanted you to be able to see my journey throughout this Heart of a Woman study in a way that wouldn’t be so overwhelming to read through. God has continued to reveal to me more about myself than I ever knew, and I am finding that there is so much I want to tell you. I want to make sure it comes out in a clear manner. I love you, and I am praying for you.

I don’t know about you, but for me focusing on my human capabilities happens so fast. I could be knee deep in a situation before I realize just how far I have gone. Often, I am finding that I was consumed with my desire to appease my flesh and to appease it quickly. I realized how easily and quickly my flesh makes itself known, and how quick I am to ignore doing right. Sometimes for me sin doesn’t feel terrible while acting in it. I think I described it in one of my blogs as “fitting like my favorite outfit.” It is important to confess that I had not sought the Lord in these moments, particularly this moment. The Lord was still so gracious to show me firsthand just how my tongue can cause strife in my home and hurt to the heart of my husband. I was able to see just how my egotism overshadowed the happiness and eagerness that had been building to spend time with my husband. Let me tell you, during those days of fasting God had been doing really beautiful things in my marriage. My husband and I had prayed together, spent quality time together, and these were prayers that the Lord so sweetly had answered for me.

For the reasons above, it would have been easy to sit there and feel defeated, like I just couldn’t help but ruin things. But I had to set aside my earthly ways, desires, and habits. I actually had to ask for His forgiveness. I have been doing that a lot lately because I have known better but walked in the way I wanted. But I also had to get on my knees and repent. Then I had to physically and mentally walk away from that sin. For me, this was/still is difficult because it is almost as easy as breathing to revert back to my flesh. But I wanted to combat this sin every time it comes up. So, I would like to share what this looked like for me. In Lessons 5-6 we were asked to find Scripture that specifically targeted our root sins and to mediate on them. For example:

Root sin: Anger, idolatry, jealousy

Scripture: Ephesians 4:26-31; Galatians 5:16-25

I enjoyed what the study said in Lesson 6, and I think it is important to keep in mind in the next couple of weeks, “We must stop doing what we normally do; we must get at the sin and remove the root.” As we continued Lesson 7, we still asked the Lord to show us the cause of our root sin. But now we were going to replace this root sin with a root of righteousness. This was also important because we now needed to change our thinking as well. I loved this because we are using tools to replace this kind of thinking with God’s Word:

Root of righteousness: Joy, love, patience

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8; 1 Peter 1: 3-12

Lessons 5 and 6 were hard because in my case I wanted to be able to still get stuff off my chest, or just let my husband know exactly how angry I was with him. But in Lesson 7, I committed to memory 1 Corinthians 13:4-13. Not only in the study was this requested, but I also wanted to have a plan as Laurie discussed in the lecture. I saw that I needed to be very intentional with my words and actions. I could not just say whatever I was thinking, but needed to truly give grace and forgiveness. I grew up hearing 1 Corinthians 13, but didn’t really do anything with that. It wasn’t until Lesson 7 that I decided that anytime I would feel anger, impatience, nagging, or strife coming, I would stop and in that moment start reciting that Scripture. Now for me, sometimes it is hard to focus on one thought. So I would even have to step into another room and pretend to do something in order to say this to myself. But I share this with you because you must take hold of every single thing you say and do! Otherwise you will keep doing whatever the flesh feels. I can’t tell you how many times after reciting this verse that I changed my mind about saying something to try and get under my husband’s skin. Now, there were a few instances where I failed, but even in those failures I was learning to turn my eyes to Christ and move forward. There was even a time when I confessed, “I can’t do this on my own, Father. Please give me strength. Help me to see that only through Christ Jesus can I accomplish this.”

When I think on how amazing our Father’s grace is towards me I am often brought to tears. We serve a living God! The only living God. He interacts with His creation freeing us to follow Him. I honestly and genuinely want to serve Him with my life. He gave His only Son’s life for me, and I want to live my life for Him. I am not perfect, but I want to pull up my sleeves and work in the garden of my heart. I want the Lord to pull all the weeds that have grown deep, and are taking up room for the harvest that could be there. I want everything from my life, my marriage, and my thinking to all be for His glory. I am encouraged by what the Lord is doing in my marriage and in my walk with Him. He has brought us such a long way.

I leave you all with this awesome quote from Lesson 8, “A Fruitful Harvest: Ongoing Weeding and Planting”: “Our reward for our faithful obedience here on earth will be great. Moses had his eyes fixed on heaven and the wonderful reward of trusting in God and investing by faith in an eternal harvest….The Lord wants to give us a passion for His vision. He wants to give us eyes to see the fields ripe for harvest! So often we look at things as they are and have a hard time seeing them as they could be and really believing that we can make a difference. The harvest begins with us.”

All for His Glory