In my continued flood of different emotions during the season I find myself in, most of them feelings I did not expect at all, I typed this prayer out to the Lord at work in desperation over what was going through my mind, everything but His truth. I’m thankful I was given grace to cry out to Him.
Lord, you are Lord and there is no other. You are in control and KING of this whole world. You promise that you will not leave me or forsake me. You are faithful regardless of my faithfulness to you. You are love. You are true love, that loves me without condition, that loves dearly.
Father, I feel like something is wrong with me. Feel being the operative word here. I know my feelings don’t have to dictate my actions and they don’t show me what is true, but, Lord, I can’t stop. My mind was flooded with frustration this morning. I was frustrated over my laziness in not getting up to have my quiet time with you. I was frustrated that I woke up late and didn’t get time to talk to my husband at all. I was frustrated that I felt ugly and let that feeling bring me down. I was frustrated that I had to go to a place of work that I hate. I was angry and blaming my husband for OUR lack of intentionality with each other. I’m frustrated at how tired I feel.
I feel like I’m drowning, Lord. I keep thinking about what Laurie said the other night at the Sunset Supper, that when we are self-focused, fear is preeminent. Lord, all of these feelings point directly to me. I’m not thinking of who you are at all and I’m not thinking of my husband at all either. I’m getting in my own head. My mind is so weak, Lord.
Lord, Lord, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to snap out of these feelings. Father, will you please forgive me for my self-focused attitude, for my pride, for my unbelief. I keep thinking about the chorus to the song I heard this morning before I got out of my car: “Down in the valley, where waters rise, I still believe that hope is alive. All through the struggles and darkest days, I’ll remember the empty grave.” Lord, I see what I should focus on, but I have no power to do it. I see that I’m being so prideful by not believing that I am forgiven and loved right now in the midst of all of my feelings. I know this to be true, but I’m not living out that truth and I really, really do want to live it out, Lord.
Thank you for the struggles, Lord. Thank you for the season I’m in. Thank you for the valley. Lord, live through me please. Please give me grace to really say and live out, “We don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chron. 20:12). You are my only hope, Father. Help me rest in you. Just help me, Lord, please. Thank you for Jesus. It’s in His name I can pray. Amen.
Planted for His Glory