Things We Idolize

THBBloomBlogLotus

The Lord has been allowing me to work out my salvation with fear and trembling as the Heart of a Woman study asked us to initiate a fast. Several things came to mind that I could give up, but the Lord kept taking me back to deleting Instagram, Facebook, and all social media off of my phone during the week. Laurie explained fasting a few weeks ago as not just giving something up for the Lord, but replacing that thing with something beneficial for the Lord. Each time I went to my phone to attempt to scroll through my Instagram feed, I instead was able to go to my notes section where I had verses the Lord was calling me to read through or to simply be in the moment and put my phone down all together. Laurie also explained that as I say NO to something like social media, I am practicing saying NO to my flesh when the enemy tempts me in the days to come. This is such a sweet picture of why fasting can be so important. The majority of the time I am able to say yes to anything I want — a cookie, a new dress, hitting that snooze button one more time. Practicing denying my flesh of earthly desires is something I need to work on in order to grow in my relationship with the Lord. I know I will know Him more as I deny self and pickup my cross daily. However, I must confess that I still had a bad attitude about fasting when I read the words, “Initiate Fast” on the page in my book.

I went outside to take my dog out before bed around 10:30 PM the first day I gave up social media. I typically spend this time standing on my porch looking at my friends’ (and strangers’) pictures from the day. Without my phone, I decided to walk outside and wait for my dog to finish his business. I couldn’t help but look up at the sky — the stars stretched as far as I could see. The moon had a bright glow around it that nearly light up the entire sky. I couldn’t believe the sight in my backyard considering the fact I live in the middle of a city. The view was unbelievable and I couldn’t help but think how often I miss God’s creation because I am too busy looking down at my phone. The Lord provided a sweet time with Him as I felt His presence so clearly being outside alone with no distractions or noises. Thanks be to God for reminding me right away why He called me to fast from something so simple.

Isaiah 40:26 says, “Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens : Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.”

As I have been working through my sinful fruits each week it wasn’t too hard to see the patterns. Each week I wrote things like:

  •  jealousy of what someone else has
  •  lack of concern for the lost
  •  shopping too much
  •  wasting time on my phone

A few weeks back as we began unpacking the root of these sins, I easily chalked them up to my selfish desires and pride. It wasn’t until this past week that the Lord clearly asked me to dig into why these sins keep occurring in my life. I was looking over the list of roots in the back of the Bible study book and it was almost as if one of the words at the bottom of the page was larger and bolder than the others. Idolatry. I have many idols in my life that the Lord was wanting me to be aware of. I am jealous of what others have because I think “things” will bring me fulfillment. I am not concerned about the lost because I have made this earth an idol instead of having an eternal focus. I shop too much because, again, I think those “things” will bring happiness. And finally, I spend time on social media way too much because I don’t want to miss out on anything or what anyone has to say. I idolize the people and things of this earth. I often long for my earthly friends and earthly things to satisfy me more than I rely on my salvation to bring me joy.

My husband and I are expecting our first child this summer and with pregnancy comes a lot of excitement but also some fears and worries. We have been praying for our unborn daughter since we found out that we were expecting. Several months ago my husband shared with me that he had been convicted about what we had been praying for her. Each day we pray for protection, growth, health, and safety. He shared with me that sometimes the Lord does His best work during adversity, and that although we want our daughter to be safe and protected, it is more important for us to be praying God’s will over her life no matter what the cost. This was a hard pill for me to swallow. I so much want our tiny baby to be protected and safe from any danger as God allows me to carry her in my womb. However, I knew my husband was right. The Lord’s will for her life is so much better than we can hope, dream, or imagine. It isn’t wrong to pray the things that we had been praying over her life before and we do still pray protection over our daughter, but we have surrendered her to the Lord oftentimes praying, “Lord, whatever your will is for our daughter, may it be done. May you use her for your glory for her entire life no matter the cost. Amen.”

It is still hard for me to pray that prayer months into it. Today I was reading Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love, and I came across this section: “Haven’t we all prayed the following prayer? Lord, we pray for safety as we travel. We ask that no one gets hurt on this trip. Please keep everyone safe until we return, and bring us back safely. In Jesus’s name we pray, amen. The exact wording may vary a bit, but that is the standard prayer we recite before leaving on mission trips, retreats, vacations, and business trips. We are consumed by safety. Obsessed with it, actually. Now, I’m not saying it is wrong to pray for God’s protection, but I am questioning how we’ve made safety our highest priority. We’ve elevated safety to the neglect of whatever God’s best is, whatever would bring God the most glory, or whatever would accomplish His purposes in our life and in the world. Would you be willing to pray this prayer? God, bring me closer to you during this trip, whatever it takes….”

I almost had a lump in my throat. Nearly the same words my husband confronted me with months before were flashing across the page again. You see, the Lord is teaching me that comfort, safety, and this world are my idols. The things of this earth are so often put above my Savior. It is hard to admit as I do my Bible study each morning and go to church each week. I really do want and long to spend time with Him but I know that I don’t always want Him more than a shopping spree at the mall or even something more serious, the safe delivery of my daughter. I am thankful the Lord has opened my eyes to this idolatry in my heart. I have been praying each morning that the Lord would be all I need, that if I lost everything else, He and His grace would be enough.

Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Standing on the Word

 

/by

Feeling His Peace

THBBloomBlogSunflower

Boiling anger. I let it spill over my top. I did not hold back my wicked tongue, my hateful actions, and my spiteful grudge. I promised myself I would not get this way.

Saturday, I had my family over for Easter and it was supposed to be perfect. I had it planned. What could go wrong? My flesh could go wrong.

My husband and I decided to remodel our bathroom a couple months ago and it has been a work in progress. My husband and his dad worked on it almost every day up until Saturday. I was so excited to show off our new bathroom and how perfect my life was. My focus was totally on self and I wanted all the praise. I wanted to hear the words, “You picked all of this out. Wow how beautiful. This is amazing!” I was forgetting the whole point of having my family over which was to worship the Lord.

I told myself I was going to stay calm, cool, and collected the day of everyone’s arrival. I am prone to letting my anxiety getting the best of me so I made a list. I made the list Friday. It had everything I needed to get done and everything my husband needed to get done. Saturday morning rolled around and I was still calm, so happy that I hadn’t let my nerves take over. I was fine, until I realized that the things on my husband’s list were not done. I was furious. How could he not get such simple tasks done? What was more important than making today perfect?

I let my temple flare. I began to get mad at the smallest things. I was mad he was doing things on my list and not his own. I didn’t need help. I made the list for a reason. My husband hates confrontation. He would rather run at the sign of a fight whereas I want to talk it out. He disappeared for the rest of the day leaving me to simmer in my anger.

By the time we had reached church my grudge was at an all-time high. I was mad and I felt justified. It wasn’t until I heard the music that I began to calm. I let the Lord take over. I gave Him my fear, worry, stress, and resentment. I cried during communion as I felt the Lord’s peace flood over me. It was at that moment, my husband put his arm around mine and I felt safe. I knew everything would be okay. It was in God’s hands. God had already orchestrated for this beautiful day to come. Family who I had been praying to come to church, did. They came and after that realization that was all that mattered. The sermon was catered to me. Do I have any regrets? Yes, I regret letting my flesh take hold and not trusting the Lord.

Thank you, Jesus, for dying for my sin so that I may live. Thank you for keeping your promises. You are so good to me. You love me. You are all I need. Your grace is sufficient. You protect me, you keep me safe. You are my shoulder I can lean on. Only through you can I have peace. You are the way to everlasting love and joy. I will sing your name on high every day. You are my Savior!

Showered in His Love

 

 

/by

Conviction and Comfort

THBBloomBlogGerber

It’s difficult to write the weekly post. I can feel my flesh want to be clever, wanting compliments, wanting God’s glory for myself. I know it’s the Lord’s grace in my life that I write the weekly post because I am forced to do something that otherwise I would not do, namely, think these things through. I know, apart from His grace, I would not take the time to think through what the Lord is saying to me; what He is showing me and wanting to teach me. Ultimately all I can do is share with you what the Lord is showing me in my heart and in my life and hope that He uses it to encourage someone else.

“Know this, my beloved brothers; let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves” (James 1:19-22). This was one of my verses that addresses the anger that remains in my heart.

Laurie spoke the same words this week — don’t deceive myself! Just stop it already! Stop! Turn! Renew my thinking! Put to death my flesh!

We have to keep asking the Lord to show us our sin as He sees it because we truly don’t take it as seriously as we need to. Keep digging to get to the root. And really there’s the root of the root! That’s the thing. Even the root of my anger is a symptom of a far more insidious sin. Self-righteousness. Charles Spurgeon says there is nothing more deadly than self-righteousness and nothing more hopeful than contrition!

It’s so much easier to understand when we think of sin as a deadly cancer. My dad’s treatment for his Stage 4 cancer was aggressive. It had to be. Apart from the treatment, death would have come swiftly. Chemo, radiation, drugs, weekly tests, doctor visits, diet adjustments, and more. Even if someone’s cancer is just one small spot, it will be deadly if left untreated.

I was struck when Laurie said what good planners we are and that if we go on vacation we make a plan. I immediately thought about the extensive itinerary I had created for a Christmas Disney trip my family took several years ago. I made copies for everyone, they were spiral bound with a cute cover. It was a lot of work. Am I willing to put the same effort into putting my flesh to death? I say I want to, but I continue to let the busyness of the day rule. “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Col. 3:2).

The question was asked this week: How badly do I not want to sin? How badly do I want to be healed? Paul says he counts everything as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. Do I believe that knowing Christ is of such surpassing worth that I would be willing to make the most minute sacrifices in comparison to Christ’s death for me by not eating sweets for a just a few weeks? I am confronted yet again with my unbelief. My love of the things of this world. My laziness. My selfishness. My idolatry.

But I am comforted by today. Good Friday. “Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free, for God the just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.”

As another hymn tells us, “It was our sin that held Him there until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished.”

“How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure. How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away, as wounds which mar the Chosen One, bring many sons to glory.”

“There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Immanuel’s veins, and sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains….The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day. And there may I, though vile as he, wash all my sins away.”

May the gospel, the love of Christ displayed at the cross compel us to repent and turn to Him. Change teams. Follow the One who bore the anger of God that we deserve out of His great love and mercy. May He give us grace to follow, to persevere, to not give in or give up, to fight the good fight of faith, to trust Him and rest in His love. May we see this all as a labor of love.

The resurrection has made all of this possible. In Christ alone we place our trust. He is faithful and He will do it.

“But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor, and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more” (Jer. 31:33-34).

Learning to Live in the Garden of Grace

/by